Things Motherhood has taught me

In my almost two years as a mother, I have definitely learned a lot.  Here are just a few of the things that I have learned.

Selflessness
     Everyone says that once you have a child, it's not longer about you.  You don't realize how true this is until you actually have that child.  You give up vacations, nights out for nice dinners with shirts without spit up on them and adult conversation and much more for that wee little one.  As parents, we do it without batting an eye and wouldn't change it for the world.  Before we had Jayna, I had begun to realize how much my parents gave up for my brother and I, but once we had her, I understood even more.  I have yet to find a parent who says they would rather have things than children.  You also get so busy trying to meet the needs of your child or children that you forget to eat a meal here or there or your coffee gets cold or you get so caught up in getting the kids ready to leave the house, you forget to change your shirt full of spit up.  The worst part is, when you realize, in public, that your shirt has spit up on it, and you don't even care.

Take care of yourself
     Amongst all the selflessness, you need to find the time and energy to take care of yourself.  This means different things to different people.  I get excited when my brother comes over and I can sit at Starbucks with a book for half an hour and not be interrupted.  It's not a long time or a big thing, but it's enough to rejuvenate me and get me through the day!  I also find it important to be physically active and I'm trying to find the time to do that right now.  Sometimes it means that I do Zumba from the Wii and try not to plow Jayna over as I tune out the fussing babies for half an hour.  Once it's nicer outside, I will be running early in the morning.  Many moms feel guilty for taking time away from their children to reboot, but it's necessary.  Every person needs a different amount of time away, but a happy mom means the whole house is a lot happier!

Patience
     I wish I could say that having children has taught me patience.  I really don't think it has.  I was thinking about this today and I realized it has made me learn to fake patience.  I have become really aware of my tone of voice and it has helped me be able to hide the fact that on the inside I'm losing patience.  I also call Jayna sweetie and sweetheart a lot to help me not get worked up.  It sounds weird, but it helps me to remember that I love her and to not get too worked up about things.  On the inside, I'm as impatient as ever, but on the outside I seem more patient.  I'm sure that this has helped me to avoid many more melt downs with Jayna.

Things don't go as planned, roll with it
     One of the first things you must learn as a parent is that things rarely go as planned.  If you can learn not to care about everything going perfectly as planned, I think you'll avoid a lot of grey hairs.  I usually plan to leave the house about 15 minutes earlier than I absolutely need to so that if things don't go smoothly I'm still on time, or not very late at least.  You will forget things when you leave the house.....make do.  As long as you have food and diapers, you'll be fine.  Also, you're probably not that far from a store if absolutely necessary. As for routine, once you usually settle into a routine and get used to it, it will change.  Learn your child's signs for being tired and hungry and go a little less by the clock.  It will help to keep you really sane.

Good bye clean house
     For example, we had our house cleaned today and Jayna proceeded to shake a bottle all over the floor.  As annoying as it was to me, I realized it wasn't really a big deal.  The perfectly clean house lasted a couple of hours at least, only because we were out.  Your children will remember the moments you spent with them, wether or not that the house was a little messy or perfectly tidy.

Love
     As much as you love your child when they're born, your love for them grows over the years as well.  I found that as Jayna's personality and social ability grew, I began to feel more connected to her and that crazy love.  Now she does things throughout the day that make me proud and I can only think about how much I love her.  I love it now that she can give awesome hugs and kisses and say "Love you" with a giant smile.  I don't think there's any better feeling than that.  It makes all of those sleepless nights and melt downs worth it.

We are more like our parents than we would like to admit.
     I have found that becoming a mother has made me understand some of the decisions that my parents made while I was growing up.  I cannot think of the amount of times when I think or say something that my mom would have said and I just chuckle.  I have already started the annoyed "because I said so" and it makes me laugh every time.

Appreciate your parents
     I have called my mom numerous times lately and thanked her for letting me make it out of childhood alive.  My mom kinda laughs and says, "What did she do now?"  I then share the event that has lead to the phone call, which is usually something that I can guarantee I did as a child.  For example, when I ask Jayna not to do something and she looks me right in the eyes with a smirk on her face and shakes her head no.  It is everything in my power to not lose my mind at that moment.  My mom laughs because she thinks this is pay back.  This also links back to the selflessness because you begin to appreciate everything that your parents gave up to be able to give you whatever you had.

What is important, relationship, friends
   Once you have a child, you now have to make an extra effort to nurture your relationships, especially the one with your significant other.  Date nights aren't nearly as frequent, but now a night sitting on the couch, drinking wine, watching hockey and listening to one baby cry (like right now) is considered quality time.  You come to appreciate the time away from the children, even if it is grocery shopping.  When you actually get to go on a date you really look forward to it and don't take it for granted.  You have to make time for these nights though, because without a solid relationship, a child will make that relationship even more of a challenge.  You also realize that spending time with people who don't make you happy is not worth it.

You can't be everything to everyone
     This is a big one for me.  I have had to realize that sometimes I can't do everything I would like to do and sometimes I have to say no.  This sound cold, but sometimes the children have to realize that I can't meet their needs immediately all of the time.  I was visiting with a friend today and one of the babies was fussing as we were about to leave so there wasn't much I could do about it.  My friend said something, and I said, "Yeah, well I can't make them happy all the time."  She agreed and said that once she figured that out, it made a big difference for her.  I also received a phone call today from another parent of multiples and Jayna decided at that moment that she was going to sit beside me and be super loud.  The lady then sent me an email with this line in it "No one every suffered psychological damage as a child or infant because we as parents do not tend to their every need immediately."  I could not agree more!!!!!

You will be a perfect mother.
     This does not mean you'll be perfect, but in whatever capacity you can be, you will be a perfect mother.  Also, don't spend time comparing you to others and have expectations of doing whatever others do.  You have to do what is right for you and your children.

This is only the tip of the ice berg in terms of what my children have taught me.  It's only been two years, I can only imagine what else they will teach me in the future.  I look forward to it.