How am I doing?

Of course I get asked the following questions on a regular basis, "How are you doing?", "Do you get any sleep?" and "How do you do it?"  The last two I can answer very easily.  Considering we have two little babies, we are very fortunate in the amount of sleep we get, although I would give a lot for one night of uninterrupted sleep.  I know that will come with time, but considering I didn't sleep through the night for the last few months of my pregnancy, it's been a while.  The answer to "How do you do it?"  It's easy, you just do.  We don't have an option to not deal with the situation at hand.  It's just like anyone who's in a difficult situation, you don't really think about it, you just find a way to get things done.  Even though life is hectic, we all need clean clothes and food in our bellies.

As for how I am doing, well, that's a difficult one.  A lot of it depends on the day or even the moment.  I am going to start by saying that I love all three children dearly and wouldn't change our situation for the world.  We are very fortunate to have three healthy little munchkins, but that doesn't make dealing with them day to day any less challenging.  I can be organized when needed, but at the same time I can easily roll with the punches and fly by the seat of my pants.  I think this helps me to get through the day and not completely lose my mind.

I'm sure the way I feel in terms of how I'm doing as a mother will resonate with any mother, not just those of multiples.  I remember when it was just Jayna and I and I thought it was difficult to get things done.  I guess at that time it was a challenge, but looking back, it was a piece of cake compared to now.  I feel like a had a lot more quality time with Jayna and it was easier to bond with her a lot earlier on.  Right now, I feel as though I'm pulled in a lot of different directions, and I'm not getting enough quality time with any of my children.  I know in the back of my mind that this is just me being hard on myself, but it's something that I need to be aware of as it's easy to let the less important things get in the way.  I have noticed that I go out of my way to make sure I give Jayna a lot more hugs and kisses and I love yous!  I guess that's not such a bad thing.

I have been told by a few people that I make it look easy and I guess that's due to my being able to just roll with it, but on the inside I feel like this is the hardest thing I have ever done and I want to cry regularly.  I know that everything is just a phase and this too shall pass.  As much as I look forward to them being a little less demanding, I don't wish it away because they are little for such a short time.  I keep saying to Derrick, "What would we do if the babies were challenging babies?"  I can't imagine how I would feel if that were the case.  I am always thankful when people come to visit because this means that someone else can entertain the little ones while I do something else and I get to talk to an adult.  My mother in law quite often comes to help and says she feels like she didn't do anything.  My response is always that she occupied the babies so that I could clean the kitchen, or whatever the task may be.  My parents are currently away for a month and they've only been gone a week and boy do we miss their help!  I have also been known to get excited when someone else is going to be here for feeding time.  This means each baby gets to get cuddled while they eat, as opposed to being propped on a pillow.  Last night, a friend came over to watch Mare and Davin so that we could take Jayna out and when we got home, she told us she had given them each a bath.  I was so excited that I didn't have to do this now!  These things may seem like no big deal to someone else, but they make the world of difference to me.

In a lot of ways, I feel that I am more emotional than I was when I was pregnant.  I guess this is due to being on call 24/7 and the sleep deprivation.  I also feel like I have lost a bit of my identity again and I'm only a Mom.  Don't get me wrong, I love being a mother, but I am also more than that.  I think this is part of why I could never be a stay at home mom.  In a lot of ways, I look forward to going back to work and regaining a bit of that identity.  In terms of being more than a mom, I am also a wife, and I feel like this part is suffering right now and it worries me.  I was reading an article the other day about parenting multiples and they said that abuse, addiction and divorce were higher among parents of multiples.  I can completely understand why.  It is hard enough to parent one baby at a time, let alone have two little demanding ones.  Although we are here for our children, we need to put in the time to maintain our relationship as well.  I think too many people forget to make their relationship a priority and they get lost in being parents.  On another note, I can't imagine that it's easy for Derrick to work all day and then come home to our busy house.  Sometimes I wish I could switch places with him, but I'm sure it's just as difficult but in a different way.

I also find it important to get out of the house.  This is just my personality as I am not a homebody and I love to socialize.  I feel that this helps me a lot.

I guess the overall answer is I don't know how I'm doing.  Ask me right now, and I feel fine, ask me tonight and it could be a totally different answer.  I kinda feel like a first year teacher again, just trying to keep my head above water.  We will succeed and look back in a few years and ask ourselves, "How did we do it?"