Things Motherhood has taught me

In my almost two years as a mother, I have definitely learned a lot.  Here are just a few of the things that I have learned.

Selflessness
     Everyone says that once you have a child, it's not longer about you.  You don't realize how true this is until you actually have that child.  You give up vacations, nights out for nice dinners with shirts without spit up on them and adult conversation and much more for that wee little one.  As parents, we do it without batting an eye and wouldn't change it for the world.  Before we had Jayna, I had begun to realize how much my parents gave up for my brother and I, but once we had her, I understood even more.  I have yet to find a parent who says they would rather have things than children.  You also get so busy trying to meet the needs of your child or children that you forget to eat a meal here or there or your coffee gets cold or you get so caught up in getting the kids ready to leave the house, you forget to change your shirt full of spit up.  The worst part is, when you realize, in public, that your shirt has spit up on it, and you don't even care.

Take care of yourself
     Amongst all the selflessness, you need to find the time and energy to take care of yourself.  This means different things to different people.  I get excited when my brother comes over and I can sit at Starbucks with a book for half an hour and not be interrupted.  It's not a long time or a big thing, but it's enough to rejuvenate me and get me through the day!  I also find it important to be physically active and I'm trying to find the time to do that right now.  Sometimes it means that I do Zumba from the Wii and try not to plow Jayna over as I tune out the fussing babies for half an hour.  Once it's nicer outside, I will be running early in the morning.  Many moms feel guilty for taking time away from their children to reboot, but it's necessary.  Every person needs a different amount of time away, but a happy mom means the whole house is a lot happier!

Patience
     I wish I could say that having children has taught me patience.  I really don't think it has.  I was thinking about this today and I realized it has made me learn to fake patience.  I have become really aware of my tone of voice and it has helped me be able to hide the fact that on the inside I'm losing patience.  I also call Jayna sweetie and sweetheart a lot to help me not get worked up.  It sounds weird, but it helps me to remember that I love her and to not get too worked up about things.  On the inside, I'm as impatient as ever, but on the outside I seem more patient.  I'm sure that this has helped me to avoid many more melt downs with Jayna.

Things don't go as planned, roll with it
     One of the first things you must learn as a parent is that things rarely go as planned.  If you can learn not to care about everything going perfectly as planned, I think you'll avoid a lot of grey hairs.  I usually plan to leave the house about 15 minutes earlier than I absolutely need to so that if things don't go smoothly I'm still on time, or not very late at least.  You will forget things when you leave the house.....make do.  As long as you have food and diapers, you'll be fine.  Also, you're probably not that far from a store if absolutely necessary. As for routine, once you usually settle into a routine and get used to it, it will change.  Learn your child's signs for being tired and hungry and go a little less by the clock.  It will help to keep you really sane.

Good bye clean house
     For example, we had our house cleaned today and Jayna proceeded to shake a bottle all over the floor.  As annoying as it was to me, I realized it wasn't really a big deal.  The perfectly clean house lasted a couple of hours at least, only because we were out.  Your children will remember the moments you spent with them, wether or not that the house was a little messy or perfectly tidy.

Love
     As much as you love your child when they're born, your love for them grows over the years as well.  I found that as Jayna's personality and social ability grew, I began to feel more connected to her and that crazy love.  Now she does things throughout the day that make me proud and I can only think about how much I love her.  I love it now that she can give awesome hugs and kisses and say "Love you" with a giant smile.  I don't think there's any better feeling than that.  It makes all of those sleepless nights and melt downs worth it.

We are more like our parents than we would like to admit.
     I have found that becoming a mother has made me understand some of the decisions that my parents made while I was growing up.  I cannot think of the amount of times when I think or say something that my mom would have said and I just chuckle.  I have already started the annoyed "because I said so" and it makes me laugh every time.

Appreciate your parents
     I have called my mom numerous times lately and thanked her for letting me make it out of childhood alive.  My mom kinda laughs and says, "What did she do now?"  I then share the event that has lead to the phone call, which is usually something that I can guarantee I did as a child.  For example, when I ask Jayna not to do something and she looks me right in the eyes with a smirk on her face and shakes her head no.  It is everything in my power to not lose my mind at that moment.  My mom laughs because she thinks this is pay back.  This also links back to the selflessness because you begin to appreciate everything that your parents gave up to be able to give you whatever you had.

What is important, relationship, friends
   Once you have a child, you now have to make an extra effort to nurture your relationships, especially the one with your significant other.  Date nights aren't nearly as frequent, but now a night sitting on the couch, drinking wine, watching hockey and listening to one baby cry (like right now) is considered quality time.  You come to appreciate the time away from the children, even if it is grocery shopping.  When you actually get to go on a date you really look forward to it and don't take it for granted.  You have to make time for these nights though, because without a solid relationship, a child will make that relationship even more of a challenge.  You also realize that spending time with people who don't make you happy is not worth it.

You can't be everything to everyone
     This is a big one for me.  I have had to realize that sometimes I can't do everything I would like to do and sometimes I have to say no.  This sound cold, but sometimes the children have to realize that I can't meet their needs immediately all of the time.  I was visiting with a friend today and one of the babies was fussing as we were about to leave so there wasn't much I could do about it.  My friend said something, and I said, "Yeah, well I can't make them happy all the time."  She agreed and said that once she figured that out, it made a big difference for her.  I also received a phone call today from another parent of multiples and Jayna decided at that moment that she was going to sit beside me and be super loud.  The lady then sent me an email with this line in it "No one every suffered psychological damage as a child or infant because we as parents do not tend to their every need immediately."  I could not agree more!!!!!

You will be a perfect mother.
     This does not mean you'll be perfect, but in whatever capacity you can be, you will be a perfect mother.  Also, don't spend time comparing you to others and have expectations of doing whatever others do.  You have to do what is right for you and your children.

This is only the tip of the ice berg in terms of what my children have taught me.  It's only been two years, I can only imagine what else they will teach me in the future.  I look forward to it.

How am I doing?

Of course I get asked the following questions on a regular basis, "How are you doing?", "Do you get any sleep?" and "How do you do it?"  The last two I can answer very easily.  Considering we have two little babies, we are very fortunate in the amount of sleep we get, although I would give a lot for one night of uninterrupted sleep.  I know that will come with time, but considering I didn't sleep through the night for the last few months of my pregnancy, it's been a while.  The answer to "How do you do it?"  It's easy, you just do.  We don't have an option to not deal with the situation at hand.  It's just like anyone who's in a difficult situation, you don't really think about it, you just find a way to get things done.  Even though life is hectic, we all need clean clothes and food in our bellies.

As for how I am doing, well, that's a difficult one.  A lot of it depends on the day or even the moment.  I am going to start by saying that I love all three children dearly and wouldn't change our situation for the world.  We are very fortunate to have three healthy little munchkins, but that doesn't make dealing with them day to day any less challenging.  I can be organized when needed, but at the same time I can easily roll with the punches and fly by the seat of my pants.  I think this helps me to get through the day and not completely lose my mind.

I'm sure the way I feel in terms of how I'm doing as a mother will resonate with any mother, not just those of multiples.  I remember when it was just Jayna and I and I thought it was difficult to get things done.  I guess at that time it was a challenge, but looking back, it was a piece of cake compared to now.  I feel like a had a lot more quality time with Jayna and it was easier to bond with her a lot earlier on.  Right now, I feel as though I'm pulled in a lot of different directions, and I'm not getting enough quality time with any of my children.  I know in the back of my mind that this is just me being hard on myself, but it's something that I need to be aware of as it's easy to let the less important things get in the way.  I have noticed that I go out of my way to make sure I give Jayna a lot more hugs and kisses and I love yous!  I guess that's not such a bad thing.

I have been told by a few people that I make it look easy and I guess that's due to my being able to just roll with it, but on the inside I feel like this is the hardest thing I have ever done and I want to cry regularly.  I know that everything is just a phase and this too shall pass.  As much as I look forward to them being a little less demanding, I don't wish it away because they are little for such a short time.  I keep saying to Derrick, "What would we do if the babies were challenging babies?"  I can't imagine how I would feel if that were the case.  I am always thankful when people come to visit because this means that someone else can entertain the little ones while I do something else and I get to talk to an adult.  My mother in law quite often comes to help and says she feels like she didn't do anything.  My response is always that she occupied the babies so that I could clean the kitchen, or whatever the task may be.  My parents are currently away for a month and they've only been gone a week and boy do we miss their help!  I have also been known to get excited when someone else is going to be here for feeding time.  This means each baby gets to get cuddled while they eat, as opposed to being propped on a pillow.  Last night, a friend came over to watch Mare and Davin so that we could take Jayna out and when we got home, she told us she had given them each a bath.  I was so excited that I didn't have to do this now!  These things may seem like no big deal to someone else, but they make the world of difference to me.

In a lot of ways, I feel that I am more emotional than I was when I was pregnant.  I guess this is due to being on call 24/7 and the sleep deprivation.  I also feel like I have lost a bit of my identity again and I'm only a Mom.  Don't get me wrong, I love being a mother, but I am also more than that.  I think this is part of why I could never be a stay at home mom.  In a lot of ways, I look forward to going back to work and regaining a bit of that identity.  In terms of being more than a mom, I am also a wife, and I feel like this part is suffering right now and it worries me.  I was reading an article the other day about parenting multiples and they said that abuse, addiction and divorce were higher among parents of multiples.  I can completely understand why.  It is hard enough to parent one baby at a time, let alone have two little demanding ones.  Although we are here for our children, we need to put in the time to maintain our relationship as well.  I think too many people forget to make their relationship a priority and they get lost in being parents.  On another note, I can't imagine that it's easy for Derrick to work all day and then come home to our busy house.  Sometimes I wish I could switch places with him, but I'm sure it's just as difficult but in a different way.

I also find it important to get out of the house.  This is just my personality as I am not a homebody and I love to socialize.  I feel that this helps me a lot.

I guess the overall answer is I don't know how I'm doing.  Ask me right now, and I feel fine, ask me tonight and it could be a totally different answer.  I kinda feel like a first year teacher again, just trying to keep my head above water.  We will succeed and look back in a few years and ask ourselves, "How did we do it?"

A typical day

There really is no such thing as a "typical" day in our house right now.  The babies eat every 3-4 hours, so when the eat and how many times they eat can vary from day to day.  Mara and Davin always eat at the same time.  When one baby fusses, they both get fed.  This allows us to cut back on the amount of time we spend feeding babies throughout the day and allows us to stay sane.  When I am by myself, feeding the babies involves using two nursing pillows to prop them up and the use of blankets to prop up the bottles.  How I look forward to them being able to hold their bottles!  We usually go through 14 or 16 bottles a day and it seems like I'm forever washing bottles and nipples. Oh yeah, and one giant sized can of formula from Costco doesn't even last us a week.  I know breast feeding is cheaper, but I cannot even imagine breast feeding twins.  I tried, and I think I would be in the nut house already.  My hat goes off to anyone who succeeds at this task, and I know there are many.  

We usually go through 14-20 diapers a day (not including Jayna's) and believe it or not, this part of the daily duties really isn't as bad as you'd think.  I have to boil two kettles of water a day for bottles, wash dishes at least once a day, if not twice and the dishwasher is run pretty much every day.  I can't imagine what will happen when the twins dirty more than just bottles.  I also do 1-2 loads of laundry a day as well.  This is all so that I can pretty much just keep up with everything and doesn't even allow me to get ahead.  Thank goodness that through the generosity of others, we have house cleaners right now!!  I quite often feel like I'm spinning my tires.  I have to remind myself that my children will grow up and remember the time I spent with them, not that there were toys on the floor or dishes on the counter.

The babies have no set sleep schedule right now and it seems as though one baby is awake most of the day while the other sleeps and the next day it's the other one who's awake most of the day.  I know that this will pass, just like everything else.  Thank goodness for the Baby Bjorn.  At least I can put one fussy baby in it and get a couple of things done.  

I usually wake up in the morning and have a plan to get a few things done, but I also realize that that may not happen.  It is all beyond my control.  I try to get a load or two of laundry done everyday (and actually fold it and put it away).  Sometimes this is the only thing I actually get done and sometimes I don't even get this done.  I'm also happy if I get supper made before Derrick gets home. 

Oh yeah, and I also have Jayna who can throw a wrench into my plans.  I remember telling Derrick that on days when I have all three, nothing will get done.  Jayna goes to daycare twice a week (thank goodness!!!!), but when she is home, it's a whole different ball game.  Jayna has adapted really well to her world being interrupted by two little ones requiring our attention.  She loves her brother and sister and usually just tries to smother them with love.  Her new thing is that as soon as they fuss, Jayna assumes they need their soother.  She seems super concerned and says "soos" and runs and gently puts it in the baby's mouth.  Jayna is very good at entertaining herself, but I've noticed that if the four of us just stay home all day, then she can definitely be a handful and definitely is more demanding of my attention.  My favourite ploy of hers is needing to go potty when I'm busy.  She is not potty trained, but definitely has an interest.  We take advantage of the times she asks to go potty and we aren't busy.  

Believe it or not, I actually find going out on days when I have all three kids makes my day a lot easier.  The reason for this is that Jayna is occupied and she's not as needy when we're out.  I am also the kind of person who loves to be on the go.  Too many days cooped up inside, and I start to go crazy (okay, crazier).  When the twins were two weeks old, I took all three kids to visit my work.  People kept asking me how I did it and were amazed that I got into the building all by myself.  I thought this was funny, as I have two hands (one to carry each car seat) and Jayna can walk, so it wasn't that difficult.

Jayna doesn't nap at home anymore.  Nap time has become "quiet" time and that means she's in her room talking very loudly and usually singing her ABC's (or what she knows of them).  After quiet time is up, her and I need to spend some time cleaning her room that was not a disaster before quiet time.  Oh how I miss naps!!!  Since Jayna is not napping she goes to bed a bit earlier.  She now goes to bed around 7, which just leaves Derrick and I with Mara and Davin.  I know I should try and accomplish some tasks during this time, but instead I usually just watch TV or read to unwind a bit.

I really look forward to the twins going to sleep around the same time that Jayna does.  We have tried to put them down in the evening and it's usually successful with one.  Once again, it's only a matter of time until they fall into a schedule, which I'm finding a lot more difficult to figure out with two.  We feed the babies one last time before we go to bed and then they are usually up twice in the night to eat.  I can't really complain about this part, because they usually give me a couple of decent chunks of sleep every night, but we all know that there are exceptions.

So this is a brief insight into what goes on on a daily basis in our house, but of course, any parent knows that no two days are alike.  

Why Blog?

I was recently reading a blog created by a Mother of Twins and I thought, maybe I should create one.  I thought this sounded very self centered to think that other people would want to read what about my life and what I have to say, but then I realized I wanted to do it as a journal to look back on and if others read it along the way, then great.  I also thought it was great to read what someone else had to say about a really difficult time and thought that if another parent of multiples could gain something from my experience then it would be worth it.

I will start with a brief background of my story and current life.

I am a mother of three children under the age of two.  Our oldest daughter will be two in March and our twins were just born in December (they are 7 weeks old right now.)

My husband and I had decided to have another child and we were fortunate enough for things to happen a lot quicker than expected.  Little did we know how big of a surprise we were in for.

We had decided to find out the gender of this child, we we opted to go to Babymoon for an ultrasound.  Our mothers and our sister in law also came with us to find out the (more exciting than expected) news.  Boy are they glad they came.  I will never forget the date, it was July 14th, 2011.  The tech started the scan and asked if I had had my ultrasound yet, I immediately thought that something was wrong, but when I looked at the screen, I thought, "Wow, that looks like two babies."  I said to her, "There aren't two are there?"  The tech responded that there were and I proceeded to say, "You're f****** kidding me."  Amidst all the excitement coming from the women at the end of the bed, I looked at Derrick and called him an a******.

I must give Derrick credit as he came right to the side of the bed and was calm with a huge smile on his face, meanwhile I was crying and freaking out about all the logistics.  I cannot imagine if I would have found out at my medical ultrasound, which I would have been going to by myself.  I don't know what I would do without him.  He has kept me from going insane throughout this whole situation.  I'm thankful that we were leaving the ultrasound to go to a Bomber game.  I'm pretty sure I would have gone home and had a massive meltdown otherwise.

Upon discovering we were having two babies and not just one, I began to think about all of the extra equipment we would need, the space in our house (the babies share a room), finances, finding daycare spots, and the big question of just how were we going to handle three little ones under the age of two?  I had begun to get used to the idea of two under two, but three was just a whole new dimension.  It was also very reassuring to know that we have a lot of friends and family members to help us out as well.  I don't know how parents of even one child, let alone multiples do it without family near by.  Before the babies were born, we were blown away by the generosity of people who were offering help or baby items.

I was fortunate to have an easy pregnancy.  Aside from being extra uncomfortable due to carrying almost 13 pounds of baby, we were all healthy.  I luckily avoided a C-section and Mara made her appearance at 4:19 am on December 5th weighing 6 lbs 2 oz and Davin arrived four minutes later weighing 6 lbs 12 oz.

And so the fun begins!!!!!