Over the last two years, I have met and become friends with a number of mother's of multiples. One thing that is consistently said is that the first year is a blur to everyone. Although I agree that it was crazy and I'm still not quite sure how we survived it, I think the second year was an even bigger blur. I attribute this to the fact that I've been back at work for over a year now and that makes things even that much crazier.
As their second birthday approached, I've been thinking about how our lives have been forever altered as well as what I've learned over the last two years. The following is in no particular order.
A) LIfe doesn't go as planned. I knew this was true with one child, but from July 14th, 2011 (the day we discovered we were expecting twins) this has never been more true.
B) I had a friend who always told me that going from one to two was like going from one to three. On many days, I feel like we went from one child to 8. The amount of fights, laundry, snot, dishes and food all make me feel like this. I must also say that there are many times when I feel that way in regards to the amount of love I receive.
C) Good or bad, our marriage will never be the same. This is one that I'm struggling with lately. I know it will pass and that it's a rough point in the year for our family. I'm not home nearly as much from middle of November to the beginning of March because of basketball. It doesn't matter how many children you have, your marriage will forever be impacted by them. There will always be ups and downs in relationships and I think the stress of child rearing and busy lives in general make the ups and downs even more exaggerated.
D) Things can go from good to bad and bad to worse in less time than it takes to say hello. It is also mind boggling how quickly some episodes can de-escalate and go to super sweet moments. It's almost like children have multiple personalities. I've experience this a few times this morning already. It's just Mara and Davin here with me (while Jayna's at dance with Dad) and they keep fighting, then playing nicely, then when you think things are good, they start screaming and crying and hitting again.
E) There are many times when I feel financially irresponsible because we didn't get to choose to have a third child. I feel as though there are probably many families of multiples who feel this, but probably don't talk about it for fear of being judged. I try not to think about this very often, but sometimes the thoughts creep in. I know we are super lucky to have three happy and healthy children and I remind myself that we have everything we need and more. The desire for a bigger house is a want, not a need. Many people grow up with bigger families in smaller homes than we have and they are perfectly fine.
F) People will always say things that they think are nice, but are really annoying to parents of multiples. "Oh I always wanted twins!" I always look at people like they are nuts (and I try not to cry at the thought of how trying and tiring it is). I know parents of multiples wouldn't trade their children for the world (ok, sometimes we all dream about it, but would never do it), but I have yet to meet someone who would wish multiples on someone else.
G) There is something special about multiples. Mara and Davin are two and have rarely been apart, and still love each other. My brother pointed this out yesterday after watching them for the day (along with their brand new baby, thank you!!!!). He said D came down first from nap and then M. When she came down and saw D, they both just lit up and got excited. Even on the worst days ever, those moments are priceless.
H) You need to forget about the little things sometimes and revel in the moment that will pass by so quickly. For example, it took me so much longer to write this post because I stopped to enjoy the many cuddles M and D were offering (between the fights with each other). I know the day is near when these cuddles will no longer happen and even though my instinct is to say get off me, I have to do something, I try to let it go. I also thought of this yesterday morning as I was rushing out the door and J asked for a big hug. My instinct was to say I don't have time, but that's ridiculous. I've read that if you don't listen to the little things now, they won't tell you the big things later. I totally believe that as true and I have to remind myself of it all the time.
I) We are so lucky to have such great friends and family. I don't know how people do it with very little or no family around. I guess their answer is the same one I give to people who say the same thing to me about our situation.....You just do. I always tell them we have two choices, do it, or CFS will take our children.
I feel like I could go on and on, but these are the main things. What things have becoming a parent taught you?
