The end of an era

Today marks the first day of the last week of my last maternity leave.  This time next week, I will be teaching my first class in 13 months!  I'm returning when the twins are only 11 months (which is the same time I went back after Jayna).  I will be starting to coach basketball soon, so I figured that I may as well get paid more than EI pays me!

People are asking me if I'm happy to be going back, and mainly, the answer is YES!!!!  I love hanging out with the twins (Jayna's in daycare full time and has been since July), but I'm really looking forward to missing them.  I'm also looking forward to the challenges of work as well as spending my days with adults who I really enjoy being around.  At work, I constantly get to laugh as well.

Having said that, I know things are going to be absolutely crazy and Derrick and I are going to have to be really organized, which isn't a bad thing.  I couldn't even think of going back to my job, coaching and running my own business if I didn't have such a great husband who is both helpful and supportive.    It also means that after Christmas, we will be bringing cleaners back (I'm pretty fired up about that).

Looking back, it has been a crazy 13 months.  A year ago, I was off work already, but just waiting for the twins.  It was odd, because I knew they shouldn't be here for a while, but being twins, you never know.  We were prepared pretty early and as prepared as we could be for the unexpected to happen.  We were fortunate enough that that didn't happen.  I ended up having to be induced at over 38 weeks.  Born at 6lbs 2 oz and 6lbs 12 oz, both Mara and Davin were healthy and never had to go to the NICU. They have done nothing but grow and amaze me every day.  They are crawling everywhere, pulling themselves up and walking along things as well as standing on their own.  It's only a matter of time before they walk.  I'm well aware that I could miss those first steps while I'm at work, but I know they'll be well taken care of and loved at their new daycare.  I also think that even if I didn't go back to work, I could miss those steps while someone else watches the kids for a bit.

There are many moments when I think that having twins is the most ridiculous and mean thing you could do to someone, but there are even more moments when the dynamics and interactions of twins astound me.  While Mara is crying right now, Davin is smiling at me and melting my heart.  It makes it pretty easy to ignore the current sucky poo.  Meanwhile, there are other times when they're both screaming and I want to pull my hair out.  

There are also many times when people ask why they're such good kids when we're out, or they don't know how I do I manage to take them out regularly and not want to lose my mind.  With all my children, I've taken them out from a very young age.  Yes, there are times when it doesn't go perfectly, actually most times aren't perfect, but we make it.  I guess I could have chosen to stay home all the time, but that doesn't sound like fun at all to me.  I also think that they are well behaved when we are out, because they are used to that and we have expectations.  It's all in what you make of it.  Yesterday I met friends for breakfast with all three kids and Jayna went in her PJs.  I didn't feel like fighting about it and she was no worse off.

In the end, I look forward to sharing the joy of my babies with someone else while they're at daycare.  They are fortunate enough to have one more person to love them!  I also look forward to being a better mother because of work.

AHHHHHH!!!

It's days like this when I don't love being a mom.  It's also days like this that make me realize that Derrick and I will be fine.  If we can make it through a day like today without wanting to kill each other, we pass the test with flying colours.

The twins were crazy fussy today and into absolutely everything they shouldn't be.  I was out for a bit, so Derrick was on his own, and then I was trying to make some soup and supper and wasn't really helping him either.  Mara got taken out by a baby gate that came crashing down, and she hit her face in the tub tonight, along with being pushed by her big sister a few times and having toys stolen.  Davin face planted in the living room, kept wiping out in the tub (while he was sitting down), and then Jayna cranked him in the head with the door.

It is 6:42, and the twins are already in bed and quiet.  That is a 1/2 hour earlier than usual, but they (and we) were just done.  Jayna's playing nicely in the tub right now and once she's in bed, we will be cleaning the bathrooms and the floors and then sitting down for a couple stiff drinks!

Oh the life of a parent.  It's only glamorous if you're famous and have a nanny, a house cleaner, personal assistant, and a cook.  I'd love absolutely every minute of being a mother then too!!!!

Blah!

Right now I feel like parenting is one long roller coaster.  There are some crazy ups and some crazy downs and you never quite know how long any of them are going to last.  I'm someone who is totally fine with not having every minute planned.  I'm also good at rolling with the punches and flying by the seat of my pants, but sometimes it's nice to know how things are going to go.

I'm amazed that one minute I can be so irritated with one, two, or all of my children and then in a second something changes and I love being a parent again.  I find the mornings to be a little chaotic in our house, but it's also a happy time and I time when I look at my kids as they eat and enjoy it.  This morning I was enjoying the moment and thankful for the new start every day.  Lately, Jayna pulls her chair right next to Mara's when she eats.  It's super cute that she wants to be with her sister.  Jayna was announcing that she was rubbing her back and that Mara was burping.  She makes me giggle.  And then 15 minutes later, we are in the van and she says to Mara, "It's my song, stop listening!"  Derrick and I just laughed at how ridiculous it was.  I'm pretty sure that we both realized in that moment that we are in trouble for the next 18 years.

I feel as though I've struggled this week.  It's been a blah week.  I haven't felt like doing much and the kids have been a lot fussier than they usually are, so I've been very annoyed by that.  I think that part of my blah feeling is stress related.  I worry a lot about when I go back to work, which is in three weeks.  I'm so excited to go back and laugh every day and have quality time with my little ones, but at the same time, I worry about making it all work.  I just keep reminding myself that I can't be everything to everyone all the time.  I know that it will all work out and that we will find a groove.  I also know it will be fine because I have a very supportive husband who is a great dad.  I am also ok with my kids spending a lot of time in the gym as they grow up (there are worse places they could be).

Another part of me really hopes we win the lottery tonight and then I would have to stress about different things, which I'm sure I'd be ok with!

I was just talking to a friend yesterday and we were discussing all of the things we would like to do around our houses.  We both realized they will take a while to happen and we were good with that.  We both have three healthy kids, great husbands and a roof over our heads, as well as supportive friends and family.  In the end, we have more than a lot of people do and we are very fortunate.  I guess I'll learn to love my original kitchen cupboards and enjoy the small things!

In the end, I've decided to look at my week this way.....it was a low on the roller coaster and there isn't anywhere to go but up.  Next week is a new week and I will be productive!  I'm looking forward to a great weekend.  

Funny kids

I have kept Jayna home the last two days because we had playdates with friends.  I don't do this all the time, and there is usually a point in the day where I really regret having kept her home (granted, there are also times throughout the day when I'm really glad I kept her home).  Yesterday we went to Earl Grey Community Centre and the kids all had a blast.  It was really fun watching Jayna amuse herself and she absolutely loved the bouncer.  I also realized how weird my kid is because I mentioned that we were going to go grocery shopping later.  She proceeded to beg me to go shopping now.  How many kids really love grocery shopping?  I love that I can make her happy while accomplishing a task!

Anyway, while we were shopping, Jayna didn't want to walk.  I didn't fight about it since she is a really good walker (we can take her to the zoo and she will walk for 3 hours).  I had the twins in the upper cart and then Jayna was in the lower part.  The twins started getting fussy because they were tired and then Jayna was yelling "Swiper no swiping" really loudly while staring at a can of Dora Alphaghetti.  After she was done, she started with Twinkle Twinkle, over and over.  Needless to say, I walked through Superstore with a smile on my face laughing at the fact that this was by far the worst shopping experience I have had with my children and it wasn't even really bad.  Jayna also wanted to help scan everything and that didn't go over well, but a crisis was averted.  This trip made me realize how great our kids are and how lucky we are.

Today we had a playdate with a friend and her two boys (who are the same ages as our kids).  The kids all played so nicely and we never once had to break up a fight during their 3 hour visit.  My friend and I were both amazed at how well our kids played together.  Once they left all three of my kids slept for two hours, which never happens.  Her kids also slept at the same time, so we will be doing this again!

While I was cutting potatoes for dinner, Jayna was playing with the toy cell phone that she found.  She informed me that she was going to her Uncle's house and I told her she wasn't.  She responded with, "I pretending Mommy" for the first time.  Her next conversation was with her daddy and wishing him a happy birthday and asking what he would like.  She asked him if he wanted shoes.  This is especially funny to us since she keeps telling us she wants shoes from Santa.  Santa is on the lookout for some awesome runners.

I looked at Jayna earlier today and still couldn't believe that Derrick and I created her.  She's such a cute, fun, loving child and I can't wait to see all three of our kids grow up.  Mara and Davin's personalities are really coming out.  We have also discovered that they definitely know when the other one is hurt or in distress.  I know there are going to be MANY bumps along the way, but I also know there will be MANY great times.

Also, I guess this entry will put me over the 2500 views mark, which is crazy to me.  I never thought I would have that many people take an interest in my blog.  Thank you very much!

Vacation!!!

I remember being in Vegas for the first time and talking to an older couple.  We had told them that our almost 11 month old daughter was at home with my parents.  They told us that it was important to take a trip every year without the children.  At that point I figured it sounded like a good idea and it would be doable, even if it was just a weekend in Grand Forks.  I do believe that many people don't put enough time and energy into their relationship after children are born.  Once we found out we were having twins, I thought we would never be able to go anywhere again.  First of all, I thought no one would ever want to watch all of our kids and secondly I never thought we'd have any money to go.  Well, we went to Vegas again in April and I came back feeling refreshed and rejuvenated as a parent.  Not long after we got back, we had friends offer to use their Air Miles to fly us all to Toronto this coming weekend and go to a Bill's game in Buffalo.  I know that technically, we should have said no, but how do you turn down an almost free flight?  Neither Derrick or I have ever been to an NFL game, so we are quite excited.

When the offer came up, Derrick thought we should arrange for someone to watch our kids.  I'm not usually one to take this for granted, but I knew that because it was a weekend and such a short time, we could arrange people easily enough within our family.  I posted something on Facebook about having a trip booked and now just needing someone to watch our kids and my friend answered that they would watch them.  She has almost 8 year old triplets and two of them just love kids and will be super helpful.  I talked with her and she said she was serious.  I figured, why not?  If someone's offering, that's great.  Jayna is super excited for Melanie to come stay with her.  Thanks again Melanie.  You have no idea how thankful we are!!!!  For the last few days, when we go out, Jayna asks if we are going on a plane.

Here's to a weekend away from the kids with great friends!  I can't wait to experience my first NFL game (and see Tom Brady in person!).

Derrick and I are by no means perfect, but we are well aware of our ups and downs and we work hard to make sure our marriage stays strong.  We have just had a bit of a rough go the last couple of weeks with his back not being great.  Although it wasn't easy, I knew it would pass and we'd move on.  Thank goodness that is happening!  We may not always get out without the kids, but we make time for each other at home.  Sometimes this is just watching a show together or being an old married couple and playing cards, while sharing a bottle of wine of course!

In other news, Davin had his first hair cut on Tuesday.  It was just a little trim to get the hair out of his eyes, but it was successful.  He was quiet, and barely moved.  Here's a before and after shot.  I've also included some pictures of the twins' first experience with lasagna.  Thank goodness for bath night!

The before shot

The after shot

Still in disbelief

There are many times when I look at my two little ones and think.....really two?  I still can't believe we have twins.  They are changing so much and learning new things every day.

Mara and Davin are crawling everywhere, pulling themselves up constantly and Davin really wants to walk, but he's just not quite there.  Yesterday he did stand by himself for a few seconds and went back to holding onto a bin, didn't even fall down.  Mara likes to climb.  She has managed to do a few stairs and she lifts her leg like she's going to climb the couch, but it's still too high for her, thank goodness.  They are both starting to take steps along the couch, or while pushing one of the chairs.

I just can't believe how quickly this happened.  They are definitely busy and keeping us on our toes.

Today as I write, it's a great morning.  I've been able to get some work done and the twins have been playing very nicely.  The most heart melting thing is watching them interact and play together.  When Davin sees his sister in the morning, he just lights up (it's mutual).  The same goes for them and Jayna.  She can't wait to run into their room in the morning and entertain them (or "make them happy" because they're usually crying at that point).

I love watching them play with a toy.  If you watch, it looks as though they've learned to take turns, which means one will steal it and play for a bit, while the other watches and eventually steals it back.  Pretty good system for only 9 months old!

I'm also loving seeing their personalities come out.  Davin is the sweet charmer and when he gets fussy, music will make him happy.  He is the quiet chatty one and he is very much his father in terms of personality.  If we are out and about, he sits and takes it all in and looks very serious.  Mara is just like her mother.  She is more outgoing, more likely to give you a smile and a lot louder.  She tends to be happier, but she angers very quickly.  She is also our trouble maker.  I'm sure Mara and I will butt heads regularly for years to come.

The last week and a half have been a bit frustrating for me since Derrick threw his back out last week.  I've been left to take on even more than usual.  He's getting better and I can't wait till we're back to normal.  I've also started running a few times a week in the mornings.  I hate getting up at 5:45, but I feel great after.  It's been about a month and I've noticed a difference already.  I've taken advantage of the kids sleeping better and creating a habit before I go back to work.  Once I'm back at work, it'll be much easier to fit my workouts in. I don't have much of an excuse when the gym is 5 steps outside my office.  For now, while it's still decent in the mornings, the peace and quiet are enjoyed!

I'm looking forward to a good weekend and I will definitely have pictures to post after the Corn Maze on Sunday.  I'm sure that will be a gong show and a blast all at once, which is pretty much how our life is nowadays.  Derrick and I often have the conversation about trying to figure out when exactly our house became a gong show.  Was it right when the twins were born?  In the end it doesn't matter, but it makes us laugh.

Burned Out

I don't quite know what to say, but I realized yesterday that I'm feeling extremely burned out.  Not about everything, just about parenting.

Yes, the kids have gotten easier, but right now, I feel like all I do is think about what comes next.  I have to make sure there is food in the house for three meals (and those meals have to be suitable for five people, two of which can eat most things, but not everything), plus snacks, I am also the one who has to make sure there are diapers, wipes, clean clothes and all that fun stuff.  And somehow, I'm the one that's always having to plan when I'm going to fit shopping for it all into my schedule.  It sounds like it would make sense since I'm home all day, but running around with two kids isn't exactly ideal all the time.

Friday, I got a call from Jayna's daycare.  They couldn't find a main course in her lunch.  We had packed yogurt, a banana, and a granola bar.  I know it wasn't a lunch that would help me get nominated for Mother of the Year, but come on, it's not that bad is it?  I'll be honest that that phone call made me feel like a terrible parent and I felt like I was extremely judged.  When I picked Jayna up, one of the daycare workers (the only one that irks Derrick and I) said that they called because Jayna always has a main course and she was looking everywhere for it.  That made me feel a little better, but not really.  I'm pretty sure everyone has had a day when they go to make their kids lunch and realize that they need to hit the store.  

I haven't even factored in all of the stuff that has to get done around the house, while there are two or three kids home.

I don't feel like going on a huge rant, because life isn't all that terrible, but I had to share my burned out feeling, as I'm sure most parents have felt this at one point or another.  In the back of my mind I know it's a phase and it will pass, but right now it sucks.

On a happy note, Davin and Mara don't stop moving all day, even when you change them.  Davin pulled himself up for the first time Saturday and hasn't stopped since.  Now I think it's just a matter of time before the two of them walk......oh my.