Things I've learned....

We just celebrated Mara and Davin's second birthday last week.  I've met a lot of new people lately and they ask how old my children are and they freak out when I tell them.  I must admit that I've kind of been doing the same lately.  I can't believe they are two now.  I cannot wrap my head around the fact that two years ago, we had just come home with two babies and we had a 21 month old daughter (who to this day is still the greatest big sister we could have ever asked for).

Over the last two years, I have met and become friends with a number of mother's of multiples.  One thing that is consistently said is that the first year is a blur to everyone.  Although I agree that it was crazy and I'm still not quite sure how we survived it, I think the second year was an even bigger blur.  I attribute this to the fact that I've been back at work for over a year now and that makes things even that much crazier.  

As their second birthday approached, I've been thinking about how our lives have been forever altered as well as what I've learned over the last two years.  The following is in no particular order.

A)  LIfe doesn't go as planned.  I knew this was true with one child, but from July 14th, 2011 (the day we discovered we were expecting twins) this has never been more true.  

B)  I had a friend who always told me that going from one to two was like going from one to three.  On many days, I feel like we went from one child to 8.  The amount of fights, laundry, snot, dishes and food all make me feel like this.  I must also say that there are many times when I feel that way in regards to the amount of love I receive.  

C)  Good or bad, our marriage will never be the same.  This is one that I'm struggling with lately.  I know it will pass and that it's a rough point in the year for our family.  I'm not home nearly as much from middle of November to the beginning of March because of basketball.  It doesn't matter how many children you have, your marriage will forever be impacted by them.  There will always be ups and downs in relationships and I think the stress of child rearing and busy lives in general make the ups and downs even more exaggerated.  

D) Things can go from good to bad and bad to worse in less time than it takes to say hello.  It is also mind boggling how quickly some episodes can de-escalate and go to super sweet moments.  It's almost like children have multiple personalities.  I've experience this a few times this morning already.  It's just Mara and Davin here with me (while Jayna's at dance with Dad) and they keep fighting, then playing nicely, then when you think things are good, they start screaming and crying and hitting again.  

E)  There are many times when I feel financially irresponsible because we didn't get to choose to have a third child.  I feel as though there are probably many families of multiples who feel this, but probably don't talk about it for fear of being judged.  I try not to think about this very often, but sometimes the thoughts creep in.  I know we are super lucky to have three happy and healthy children and I remind myself that we have everything we need and more.  The desire for a bigger house is a want, not a need.  Many people grow up with bigger families in smaller homes than we have and they are perfectly fine.   

F)  People will always say things that they think are nice, but are really annoying to parents of multiples.  "Oh I always wanted twins!"  I always look at people like they are nuts (and I try not to cry at the thought of how trying and tiring it is).  I know parents of multiples wouldn't trade their children for the world (ok, sometimes we all dream about it, but would never do it), but I have yet to meet someone who would wish multiples on someone else.  

G)  There is something special about multiples.  Mara and Davin are two and have rarely been apart, and still love each other.  My brother pointed this out yesterday after watching them for the day (along with their brand new baby, thank you!!!!).  He said D came down first from nap and then M.  When she came down and saw D, they both just lit up and got excited.  Even on the worst days ever, those moments are priceless.  

H)  You need to forget about the little things sometimes and revel in the moment that will pass by so quickly.  For example, it took me so much longer to write this post because I stopped to enjoy the many cuddles M and D were offering (between the fights with each other).  I know the day is near when these cuddles will no longer happen and even though my instinct is to say get off me, I have to do something, I try to let it go.  I also thought of this yesterday morning as I was rushing out the door and J asked for a big hug.  My instinct was to say I don't have time, but that's ridiculous.  I've read that if you don't listen to the little things now, they won't tell you the big things later.  I totally believe that as true and I have to remind myself of it all the time.  

I)  We are so lucky to have such great friends and family.  I don't know how people do it with very little or no family around.  I guess their answer is the same one I give to people who say the same thing to me about our situation.....You just do.  I always tell them we have two choices, do it, or CFS will take our children.  

I feel like I could go on and on, but these are the main things.  What things have becoming a parent taught you?

Ever Changing

Just when we think things are settling in, things change again.  The kids are growing and in many ways things are becoming easier.  At the same time, they are becoming crazier.

Mara and Davin are talking a lot more (Davin is still saying a lot more than Mara).  This seems like a great thing, but there are also a lot of frustrations that come along with it.  The times when they are frustrated by not being able to share what they think they should be able to share are a challenge.  Jayna is very helpful, but at the same time, too much of a mother and sometimes tries to do too much.

We did the room swap in June and the girls have been sharing a room since then.  Bedtime recently became a disaster when Mara decided it would be super to sleep with her sister.  Jayna was not a fan of this and would throw a fit about it every night.  After finally leaving her to sort it out, I believe they are regularly sleeping in the same bed, yet Jayna won't let us put them to bed in the same bed.  I think it's sweet that they sleep together and that we can hear them giggling together before falling asleep.

Mara is also a lot like Jayna was at that age, very motherly and sweet, with a touch of spunk.  Davin is a boy through and through.  He is obsessed with cars and trucks (but only says the word car, which is really annoying).

I've seen a lot of me in my daughters lately and I think it spells disaster for the future.  One of me is difficult to live with.....imagine three (and I don't have much of a desire to live with two of myself).  There are also many moments when I say to myself, "this is my karma".  These are the moments when one, or both, of the girls is being loud, bossy, or a brat.  There are many times when I cringe that that would have been me as a chid (rather embarrassing).

I have included a couple of pictures from a photo shoot we had done a few weeks ago.  Based on how they act and look, I'd venture to say that my babies are no longer babies :(

The Park

We have spent a ton of time at various parks and playgrounds this summer and I must say I have never felt so judged.  I am not sure if this is reality or just my mind working over time and being hard on myself, like most moms are.  

Our time at the park goes something like this: I am always outnumbered, sometimes 2:1 and other times 3:1.  Of course, my children don't always stay in the exact same area of the park, so I try to circulate and always have an eye on all of them as much as I can but I also don't have eyes on the back of my head, so that's not always possible.  I do think of basketball defence quite regularly while at the park....I position myself so that I can see the ball and my check (I mean Mara and Davin).  This means that I may not always be right beside them.  I also check regularly on Jayna, but I'm not as worried about her and I know that she won't take off on me.  

Here's where the judgement comes in.  There is usually at least one mom at the park that is enjoying a 1:1 ratio (please note that I am not trying to bash parents who have one child, I am often very jealous of you).  I find that those moms spend a lot of time watching me and my children.  Of course my mind seems to think they are judging me because I can't see all three of my children at once and one of the little ones is probably climbing something that looks too big for them, but they've climbed it ten times before.  I know some mothers are judging, based on their scowls and rare comments.  I must admit that I am always jealous of these mothers.  I remember the days when I could go to the park with Jayna and actually visit with a friend and not have to be "on watch" all the time.  And when she was really little, I could follow her everywhere on the structure, which was never an option with the twins.  

A rare moment when they are all in the same area!

There have been a couple of quiet comments and some nasty looks when they watch Davin climb something (trust me I was amazed and what he can climb too, so if you don't know him and just look at his age, I understand) or watch him go down the slide at the Nature Playground by himself.  Maybe I'm a little too laid back sometimes, but I do believe that children need to explore and learn their limits, while being in a safe environment.  Children will never learn to do new things if they don't have the chance to try.  I have watched both the little ones try to climb a ladder and they realize pretty quickly that they can't do it, which saves me telling them no.  

I don't know why my mind automatically races to the judgement, when they may actually be admiring us.  We are very fortunate to have three healthy little ones and they are pretty well behaved, for the most part.  I have also been very impressed with how Mara and Davin have done at the park this summer.  In the spring, Derrick and I were talking about how long of a summer it would be for me because I wouldn't be able to go to the park by myself with them.  We would regularly go to the same playground in the spring and we realized that they were very comfortable there and never tried running away.  I remember being at the playground and saying to Derrick that I thought I could do it by myself and he agreed.  I'm so thankful that I am able to take them by myself, otherwise it would have been a looooong summer.  

Another part of me is very happy that we have a boy/girl twins.  I think there have been many times this summer where people don't realize they are twins because they think I have a daycare.  I'm sure this has saved me many annoying and repetitive comments.

I think us as mothers tend to be pretty quick to judge others (myself included), when we should in fact be each other's biggest supporters.  If you see another parent at the park and they are outnumbered, maybe lend a hand if you happen to be close by while their child goes flying down the slide.  

Summer

I know it's been a long while since I've written anything.  I've been meaning too, but I just haven't sat down to do it.  My mom asked me the other day if I was doing my blog anymore.  I said that I hadn't been, but I intended to get back to it, so here I am.

Jayna is pretty much three and a half now and the twins are almost 20 months old.  When people ask me how old they are, I am made to realize that they will be two in a couple of months.  I cannot believe that.

It was two years ago on July 14th that we found out the life altering news that we were expecting twins.  At that point, we were overwhelmed with the possible complications with twins, let along surviving the first two years!  I am very happy to say that we have almost made it.

It's been an interesting summer.  Jayna was in daycare full time (but I would keep her home regularly when we would do fun things) and the twins only went to daycare once a week.  Needless to say, I was reminded of the fact that I'm not cut out to be a stay at home mother.  Having said that, we have had a lot of fun this summer and spent a lot of time at playgrounds and at the zoo.  Many people have complained about the lack of heat, but it's been great for us.  I can't get to the beach or pool by myself with the three little ones, but I can take them to the park by myself so we've been happy.

We also took our first trip as a family of 5.  It was only a couple of days in Grand Forks, but we made it through with only one melt down in Gordman's with the two girls (really, that was the first tantrum in a store ever for our kids).  We did some shopping and the kids loved the water park so it was a definite success.  I wanted to camp this year, but Derrick was very reluctant.  His reason was that there would be some crazy moments.  My response was that there are crazy moments at home and if we were camping, at least we'd be making memories, despite the crazy moments.  I didn't push the issue this year, but next year we are definitely camping.  We did stay in a tent at a family function in Stonewall last weekend and it was a success, so that was promising and we are off to a friend's cabin for the long weekend, so that should be fun.

Jayna is becoming more and more independent every day.  She's an amazing big sister and usually a great helper around the house.  Obviously she has her moments, but for the most part, she's a really good kid who's always smiling and a lot of fun to be around.  She's also at the stage where she comes out with a lot of funny things.

Mara and Davin are busy, busy, busy.  I often find myself saying that they are crazy.  They are really well behaved (most of the time.....just like any child) and have pretty good manners, but they are at the stage where they scream because they can't communicate everything they would like to.  Davin is talking quite a bit and Mara is catching up.  Mara has recently discovered how to take dresses and shirts off, so that poses an interesting problem.  It's a lot of fun to watch them play together and on their own at this stage.  As I write this, Mara is being her little mom self, playing with a couple of dolls and stuffed animals and Davin is building with Mega Blocks, which he has recently discovered.  They do fight regularly throughout the day, but keep in mind that they are almost always together.  They also do really cute things like hold hands in the van and hug and kiss each other.  Those moments are unbelievably precious and make all of the yelling and screaming forgotten.

Here are some recent pictures.

A weekend of being a single mom

I actually wrote this on April 5th and was going to make changes, but didn't.  Here is the post.....a few months late.

Yet again, it's been a long time since I've posted anything.  Life has been crazy with coaching and working.  Basketball has been done for a few weeks now, so it's been nice to have more time with the family.  The thing I'm missing right now is spring!!!!!!

I keep saying that everyone in our house will be a lot happier once we can actually go outside.  I long for the days when we can feed the kids and then go for a walk or take a picnic to the park and have them play.  It's easy, yet good parenting and makes us all a whole lot more pleasant. 

Derrick is away this weekend in Calgary for his best friend's stag.  I'm definitely jealous of him being able to get away for the weekend and live the bachelor life (3 times in six months actually, must be nice!).  It's a good thing he has a great wife.

I'm planning on taking the kids to the zoo tomorrow.  I'm reallly hoping that the weather cooperates, otherwise I feel as though my house will be the zoo.  We will visit my parents tomorrow and take a friend up on their offer for dinner as well.  Sunday we will hang out with Derrick's family and then head home to get ready for the week.

The little ones will definitely be excited to see Derrick on Monday morning.  I will be excited to see him Sunday evening. 

On the topic of the kids, we have entered a new stage of crazy.  All three are running all over the house, stealing toys (sometimes sharing, which is cute), hitting each other, as well as wrestling (usually Davin and Jayna actually).  The girls have had some fun playing in the puddles.  Davin will not walk in shoes or boots.  We have tried shoes on in the house and he loses his mind.  This usually results in Mara wanting to wear them and then she runs around the house looking so proud.  On Easter weekend, Davin stayed planted in one spot for half an hour as Mara and Jayna played up and down the street.  We didn't realize until this moment that he was that stubborn. 

I'm hoping that I can now be more consistent in updating the blog as I do enjoy it!! 

Routine

People keep asking me how it is being back at work and how we do it?

It definitely is nuts with the three little ones and being in the middle of coaching basketball.  This means that I'm gone by 6:20am Monday and Wednesday mornings and Derrick has to do the morning thing on his own with the three kids.  Tuesdays I usually get home in time to put Jayna to bed, but I miss Mara and Davin.  Thursdays I usually don't see any of them except for a short bit in the morning.

On a typical evening, we get home at 5:00, make dinner and feed the turkeys quickly.  If they are happy, they get a short amount of time to play before we stick them in their seats for dinner.  Once they are done, they get a little bit of play time and then it's off to get ready for bed.  On bath nights, they usually go right from their booster seats to the tub for  quick bath and then get ready for bed.  We have  a system, I bathe the kids and Derrick dries and dresses them for bed.

Now comes the interesting part.  I haven't been as diligent in regards to reading stories to Mara and Davin before bed as we were with Jayna.  The main reason for this is that they don't sit during this time.  I try to make them sit on my lap, but they just end up crawling off or continuously trying to climb me as high as they can.  They also move about the room and try to empty as many drawers as they can and sometimes wresting or hitting each other is also involved during this supposedly calming time before they head to sleep.  I usually (like tonight) enjoy this time, but sometimes I just don't feel like being a jungle gym, so I don't do it.

So now it's 6:30 and it's just us and Jayna and we feel like we can now take a breath.  Since the twins were born, we've tried very hard to make sure this time is about Jayna and we get some quality time with her.  Right now she's really into colouring so we'll usually colour with her.  Sometimes we cuddle and watch a movie.  My favourite part of the night is crawling into bed with Jayna and reading her stories before she hits the sack.

It's now 7:30 and this is the time I struggle with the most.  My house is a disaster and I feel like doing absolutely nothing.  I (almost) always do the dishes and make sure I have a clean kitchen.  Most evenings I try to do one little thing to make the house look a little better than it does, but sometimes I don't.  As I've stated before, I've come to terms with the fact that my house will never be immaculate.

Most evenings, I don't get to sit and "do nothing" until 9:00-9:30, and I wonder why I don't go to sleep before 11:00.  Once again, I know that this is short lived and there will come a day when I will long for this craziness.  In the meantime, we just laugh.

So this is how we "do it" from day to day.  It's not pretty, but everyone survives to see another day!

It's been a while

I knew I hadn't written anything for a while, but I didn't realize it had been over a month.  I haven't written anything for two reasons....one, I haven't had a whole lot of time and two, I didn't really think I had anything too interesting to say.

I've been back at work since November 5th and people keep asking me how it is.  My answer is always...Crazy!  My job is definitely not one where I sit at a desk all day.  As a Phys Ed teacher, you're constantly on the go, kinda like my home life.  I'm also right in the thick of basketball season (which is actually going really well....3-0 so far and ranked 5th in the province!), so that means that two mornings a week, I'm gone just after 6 am to be at school for a 7 am practice and Derrick is on his own with the kids in the morning.  Two other days a week, I'm not home till later in the evening because of a practice or a game, which means Derrick is also on his own.  I'm so thankful to have a super supportive husband, because I couldn't do it without his support.

I remember a conversation I had with a colleague in my first year at my current school.  Derrick and I had just gotten married that summer and were in the midst of deciding whether or not to have children.  My colleague was also a basketball coach and I mentioned that one of the reasons I was considering not having children is because I wanted to coach and children would get in the way.  He proceeded to tell me that it didn't make that big of a difference and that you just work around things.  I looked at him and reminded him that he is the father and I'm the mother.  I had a pregnancy to go through as well as maternity leave and also the expectation that the mother is around most of the time.  His response, "oh, I never thought of that."

Obviously, we decided to have children and I'm glad to say that I'm still able to coach.  I have only missed one full season, last year because the twins were born right at the beginning.

Three weeks ago, Davin had a hypospadias repair surgery.  Here's a link to explain what that is...beware, there is a picture of a penis.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypospadias  I'm happy to report that he is doing well and was awesome after surgery.

Also, Christmas came and went.  What a whirlwind three days that was.  It was super fun because Jayna finally "got it".  I can't even imagine what next year is going to be like when the twins kind of understand what's going on and Jayna's even more excited.  This Christmas made me realize how much parents lie to their children.  I felt awful on many occasions, such as when I had to explain Ace (Elf on the Shelf) going away.  We had told Jayna that she would get to say goodbye to him and on Christmas Eve we got sidetracked and forgot.  Christmas morning, in the van, Jayna started talking about wanting to say goodbye to Ace.  We told her that if she said goodbye right now, he would hear her from the North Pole.  Derrick and I looked at each other with that look of feeling guilty for having to lie.  Oh well, I guess that's just part of the magic of Christmas.

Davin is a walking machine and is almost running.  He rarely crawls anymore.  Mara is walking a lot more as well and she is a master at climbing up on the couch.  Now we're just worried about her climbing other things.

I hope everyone had a great holiday and is settling into the new year.  I will hopefully be posting more often and making the time to include more pictures and videos.  I do have a few ideas for some posts.  Oh, and I can't believe that I'm going to have to change my description of my blog soon to state that I have a 3 year old :(

Dreaded sickness

We started the weekend with Davin having a random puke.  This was definitely not a Mother of the Year moment.  At 5:30 am I thought I heard Mara throwing up, so I went and checked.  She was fine, so I left the room.  Yes, when I entered the room, I thought I smelled the distinct smell, but I never thought to check Davin because I thought I heard Mara.  Three hours later, I went to get him out of his crib and realized he had been laying in his vomit for the last three hours.  I felt horrible, but I guess he couldn't have felt that bad since he fell back to sleep.  I don't know why I didn't think to check him....oh well, it was done.

On Saturday, we had a multiples Christmas party, which was a lot of fun and then the Sheldon get together, which was also a good time.  Everyone was fine.  Sunday was a great day as well.  We finished by having a family dance party, baths, and then Jayna and I decorated a gingerbread house when the twins were in bed.  I commented to Derrick that days like this made it easy to be parents.  We both agreed.

And then it was 12:45 am and Jayna let out a scream.  I realized when I opened the door that she was throwing up.  Thank goodness Derrick was there to deal with the mess as I dealt with Jayna.  This happened a few more times over the next couple hours, so needless to say I'm at home with Jayna today.  There aren't many things that are worse than watching your kid get sick and not be able to make them feel better.  I was very proud of myself, since I don't deal well with puke, but you just suck it up when it's your own child.  Despite being sick, Jayna was still her independent self and had to put her nighty on "all by myself".  That made me laugh.  

I haven't mentioned that she missed the bus ride to the mall to see Santa.  She seems much better, thank goodness, but then Derrick came home around 9:30 and he was sick.  He's been in bed sleeping ever since.  Hopefully the twins manage to by pass it and I'm hoping that my Giesbrecht stomach of steel holds up.  My JV girls have their first game tomorrow and I need to be there.  I already missed practice this morning, which I feel terrible about, but that's life.  

I'm also trying to mentally prepare myself for Davin's surgery next Thursday.  I know he'll be fine, but no mother wants to see their child in pain.  I'm assuming the recovery part of the surgery will be the worst.  I've heard from other mothers whose boys have had the procedure, that they act as though nothing happened afterwards.  He will get an afternoon with just mom and the following day all by himself with Gramma!  I know she's looking forward to the cuddles, since she never sees Davin by himself.

On a happy note, I have loved this Christmas season so much.  It's been a lot of fun already.  It really is so much better with kids.  Jayna has been amazing this year and we still have a couple more weeks to get some other activities done with her as well.

I hope everyone else is having a great holiday season and enjoying their friends and family.

We survived the first year!!!!

WE DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've felt very overwhelmed with emotions today as I remember being thrust into the world of parenting multiples a year ago today.  I started by feeling guilty because Mara and Davin were still sleeping because I had to get to practice for 7.  While driving to work, I felt sad because my babies are no longer  babies (Davin walked as much as he crawled at daycare today!).  I also didn't want to put them to bed tonight because it would be the end of their first birthday and we will never experience that with our children again.

I vividly remember the moment they handed me Mara and Davin and I looked down at them and wondered, "what the hell am I supposed to do with two of them?"  There were many smiles, laughs, as well as moments of me snapping along the way, but overall, it has been a great year.

Is it weird that I think of the last year as the hardest thing I've ever done, but also when I look back, I think, "ah, it wasn't that bad"?

We could never have survived this year with our marriage intact and healthy without our amazing friends and family.  Thanks to everyone.

The overwhelming feeling for  me is the emotions I feel about Derrick and I.  From the moment we found out we were having twins, I knew we'd be fine, but I didn't think we would actually be better now than we were a year ago.  We have definitely had our moments, but we always worked it out.  I couldn't do it without a super supportive husband who is also an amazing father.  Thanks honey!

I've seen some slide shows and videos that people have made of their child's first year.  I thought about doing that, and then laughed, because I don't have the time to do that right now.  I'm sure I could pull it together, but it wouldn't be as nice as I'd like to it be and that would bother me even more.

Instead, here are a few pictures from throughout the year.

Ever changing

Lately, I can't help but be thinking about where we were a year ago.  For example, this morning we were all in the living room/dining room and I was watching the kids play and thinking about how a year ago, we were still a family of three.  At that moment I was remembering when it was a lot quieter and less hectic.  At the same time, I wouldn't change the never ending craziness for anything.

A year ago, I was sooo uncomfortable and wanted these babies out, but at the same time I was super scared of what that would mean.  I was worried about being able to care for the twins, and I was really worried about how Jayna would react to the new additions.  Fortunately, Jayna could not have been a better big sister.  She was usually pretty gentle and she loved the babies from the start.  Almost a year later and she is still super helpful and just adores her brother and sister.  She is always proud to tell people they are her Mara and Davin when we are out.

I've heard many multiple parents say that the first couple years are a blur and I can completely understand.  I just said to Derrick last night that I know that there were many rough days and it seemed like the end of the world at the time, but looking back now, it could have been so much worse.  Both of our children were healthy, born after 38 weeks, and all around pretty good kids.  Life could have been a lot rougher, as it is for some other families.

In 11 days we will be waking up the babies and saying happy birthday.  I can't believe how much life has changed in that year.  As much as I know their birthday is about them, I don't really see it that way. For some reason, I see a bigger picture and I feel as though it's a celebration for Derrick and I, since we have survived the first year.  There is no doubt in my mind that if we did have a good relationship, we would no longer be together at this point.  I would venture to say that our relationship is actually better than it was before.

Part of me is always a little sad when we see the last of the firsts in our house, yet at the same time, I'm so happy we never have to go through the newborn stage again.  Last night, Davin was a walking machine.  It has yet to be replicated today, but I'm sure he will and I will hopefully get some video.

Well, off to play with the kids and hope the aren't too intrigued by the Christmas tree we put up downstairs last night.

And as promised, here are some pictures from their cake smash done by Robin Marchadour (www.robinmarchadourphotography.com).  We are once again so happy with the product.  What a talent you are Robin.  Thank you so much for giving us amazing pictures of our babes as newborns and now a year later!!!  You always surpass our expectations and we get so many compliments.  

Working Mama

I've just completed my second week of work and everyone keeps asking me how it is.  I'm not sure quite what to say.  I thought motherhood was a giant roller coaster of emotions, but I seem to be on an even bigger roller coaster for the last two weeks.  Anyone who knows me, knows that I was really excited to go back to work.  One of the reasons is that I know that I don't have it in me to be a stay at home mom.  Other reasons were that I love my job, I love feeling like I'm a part of something bigger, I love the social aspect of working (my department is amazing and super fun), and I was looking forward to missing the twins and have quality time (vs quantity).

After the first day, I realized that I made the right choice and I truly do love my job.  I was super happy and flying high after that day.  As the last two weeks have gone on, I've settled in at work (as much as a  Phys Ed teacher can settle in, there's always a billion things going on), but I've also felt very overwhelmed and like my wheels are spinning.  I'm teaching two sections of Phys Ed and two sections of Family Studies.  I'm finding prepping for the new course to be challenging, as it's not where my heart is, although I do enjoy certain aspects of the course.  The first week back, we were hosting conference volleyball playoffs so we were run off our feet and I put it two really long nights.  Last week marked the beginning of basketball season, which means I'm going to be out for some portion of the evening at least 4 nights a week.

I had a basketball meeting Thursday after work and I was feeling extreme guilt that day about not being home and spending a lot of time with the kiddos.  I got home about 6:15, 15 minutes before the twins' bed time and had the best time.  I kept them up a little later so I could enjoy them and it was well worth it.  The kids were all happy to see me, climbing on me, laughing, giving hugs and kisses (Davin and Mara both took a step!).  For half an hour, I truly enjoyed my children without any interruptions.  After feeling ridiculous amounts of guilt, I realized that I shouldn't stress about it.  That half an hour was more enjoyable and had more quality than some days on mat leave when I was just struggling to get through the day.

Unfortunately, guilt comes with the job of being a parent.  In some ways, I'm sure it makes us better parents, as it keeps us accountable, but I think we also need to keep it in check and to not let us be overcome with guilt too often.

People have also asked me how I get everything done and the answer is that I don't.  First of all, I have an extremely helpful and supportive husband and that helps a lot.  Secondly, I'm ok that not everything is done.  Sometimes it kind of drives me crazy, but I'd rather go outside and play with the kids or decorate for Christmas than fold laundry.  On that note, there are probably four loads of laundry that are sitting in the laundry room waiting to be folded and put away.  I'll get to it tomorrow, and if I don't oh well.  My kids are clean and they have clean clothes, so what if they're not folded.  Life is about priorities and spending time with my children is way more important than a little bit of dirt or some folded laundry.

Oh yeah, and the exhaustion.  I don't even know what to say about that.  I'm beyond exhausted.  I get up at 5:45 and I don't stop till at least 9:30 most nights.

In the end, I know everything that needs to get done will get done and life will go on if some things don't get taken care of right away.

On another note, we had pictures taken back on August 9th and we just go them back.....don't ask.  I have included a couple here.  I have also included one from the twins' newborn shoot to compare from when they were born.  We also did a cake smash session a couple weeks ago with our friend Robin and I will be including those in my next post ( www.robinmarchadourphotography.com ).  How much they've changed since August!

August 9th, 2012 (twins 8 months old)

December 11th, 2011 (twins 6 days old)

Daddy's little girl!

Our beautiful big girl

The end of an era

Today marks the first day of the last week of my last maternity leave.  This time next week, I will be teaching my first class in 13 months!  I'm returning when the twins are only 11 months (which is the same time I went back after Jayna).  I will be starting to coach basketball soon, so I figured that I may as well get paid more than EI pays me!

People are asking me if I'm happy to be going back, and mainly, the answer is YES!!!!  I love hanging out with the twins (Jayna's in daycare full time and has been since July), but I'm really looking forward to missing them.  I'm also looking forward to the challenges of work as well as spending my days with adults who I really enjoy being around.  At work, I constantly get to laugh as well.

Having said that, I know things are going to be absolutely crazy and Derrick and I are going to have to be really organized, which isn't a bad thing.  I couldn't even think of going back to my job, coaching and running my own business if I didn't have such a great husband who is both helpful and supportive.    It also means that after Christmas, we will be bringing cleaners back (I'm pretty fired up about that).

Looking back, it has been a crazy 13 months.  A year ago, I was off work already, but just waiting for the twins.  It was odd, because I knew they shouldn't be here for a while, but being twins, you never know.  We were prepared pretty early and as prepared as we could be for the unexpected to happen.  We were fortunate enough that that didn't happen.  I ended up having to be induced at over 38 weeks.  Born at 6lbs 2 oz and 6lbs 12 oz, both Mara and Davin were healthy and never had to go to the NICU. They have done nothing but grow and amaze me every day.  They are crawling everywhere, pulling themselves up and walking along things as well as standing on their own.  It's only a matter of time before they walk.  I'm well aware that I could miss those first steps while I'm at work, but I know they'll be well taken care of and loved at their new daycare.  I also think that even if I didn't go back to work, I could miss those steps while someone else watches the kids for a bit.

There are many moments when I think that having twins is the most ridiculous and mean thing you could do to someone, but there are even more moments when the dynamics and interactions of twins astound me.  While Mara is crying right now, Davin is smiling at me and melting my heart.  It makes it pretty easy to ignore the current sucky poo.  Meanwhile, there are other times when they're both screaming and I want to pull my hair out.  

There are also many times when people ask why they're such good kids when we're out, or they don't know how I do I manage to take them out regularly and not want to lose my mind.  With all my children, I've taken them out from a very young age.  Yes, there are times when it doesn't go perfectly, actually most times aren't perfect, but we make it.  I guess I could have chosen to stay home all the time, but that doesn't sound like fun at all to me.  I also think that they are well behaved when we are out, because they are used to that and we have expectations.  It's all in what you make of it.  Yesterday I met friends for breakfast with all three kids and Jayna went in her PJs.  I didn't feel like fighting about it and she was no worse off.

In the end, I look forward to sharing the joy of my babies with someone else while they're at daycare.  They are fortunate enough to have one more person to love them!  I also look forward to being a better mother because of work.

AHHHHHH!!!

It's days like this when I don't love being a mom.  It's also days like this that make me realize that Derrick and I will be fine.  If we can make it through a day like today without wanting to kill each other, we pass the test with flying colours.

The twins were crazy fussy today and into absolutely everything they shouldn't be.  I was out for a bit, so Derrick was on his own, and then I was trying to make some soup and supper and wasn't really helping him either.  Mara got taken out by a baby gate that came crashing down, and she hit her face in the tub tonight, along with being pushed by her big sister a few times and having toys stolen.  Davin face planted in the living room, kept wiping out in the tub (while he was sitting down), and then Jayna cranked him in the head with the door.

It is 6:42, and the twins are already in bed and quiet.  That is a 1/2 hour earlier than usual, but they (and we) were just done.  Jayna's playing nicely in the tub right now and once she's in bed, we will be cleaning the bathrooms and the floors and then sitting down for a couple stiff drinks!

Oh the life of a parent.  It's only glamorous if you're famous and have a nanny, a house cleaner, personal assistant, and a cook.  I'd love absolutely every minute of being a mother then too!!!!

Blah!

Right now I feel like parenting is one long roller coaster.  There are some crazy ups and some crazy downs and you never quite know how long any of them are going to last.  I'm someone who is totally fine with not having every minute planned.  I'm also good at rolling with the punches and flying by the seat of my pants, but sometimes it's nice to know how things are going to go.

I'm amazed that one minute I can be so irritated with one, two, or all of my children and then in a second something changes and I love being a parent again.  I find the mornings to be a little chaotic in our house, but it's also a happy time and I time when I look at my kids as they eat and enjoy it.  This morning I was enjoying the moment and thankful for the new start every day.  Lately, Jayna pulls her chair right next to Mara's when she eats.  It's super cute that she wants to be with her sister.  Jayna was announcing that she was rubbing her back and that Mara was burping.  She makes me giggle.  And then 15 minutes later, we are in the van and she says to Mara, "It's my song, stop listening!"  Derrick and I just laughed at how ridiculous it was.  I'm pretty sure that we both realized in that moment that we are in trouble for the next 18 years.

I feel as though I've struggled this week.  It's been a blah week.  I haven't felt like doing much and the kids have been a lot fussier than they usually are, so I've been very annoyed by that.  I think that part of my blah feeling is stress related.  I worry a lot about when I go back to work, which is in three weeks.  I'm so excited to go back and laugh every day and have quality time with my little ones, but at the same time, I worry about making it all work.  I just keep reminding myself that I can't be everything to everyone all the time.  I know that it will all work out and that we will find a groove.  I also know it will be fine because I have a very supportive husband who is a great dad.  I am also ok with my kids spending a lot of time in the gym as they grow up (there are worse places they could be).

Another part of me really hopes we win the lottery tonight and then I would have to stress about different things, which I'm sure I'd be ok with!

I was just talking to a friend yesterday and we were discussing all of the things we would like to do around our houses.  We both realized they will take a while to happen and we were good with that.  We both have three healthy kids, great husbands and a roof over our heads, as well as supportive friends and family.  In the end, we have more than a lot of people do and we are very fortunate.  I guess I'll learn to love my original kitchen cupboards and enjoy the small things!

In the end, I've decided to look at my week this way.....it was a low on the roller coaster and there isn't anywhere to go but up.  Next week is a new week and I will be productive!  I'm looking forward to a great weekend.  

Funny kids

I have kept Jayna home the last two days because we had playdates with friends.  I don't do this all the time, and there is usually a point in the day where I really regret having kept her home (granted, there are also times throughout the day when I'm really glad I kept her home).  Yesterday we went to Earl Grey Community Centre and the kids all had a blast.  It was really fun watching Jayna amuse herself and she absolutely loved the bouncer.  I also realized how weird my kid is because I mentioned that we were going to go grocery shopping later.  She proceeded to beg me to go shopping now.  How many kids really love grocery shopping?  I love that I can make her happy while accomplishing a task!

Anyway, while we were shopping, Jayna didn't want to walk.  I didn't fight about it since she is a really good walker (we can take her to the zoo and she will walk for 3 hours).  I had the twins in the upper cart and then Jayna was in the lower part.  The twins started getting fussy because they were tired and then Jayna was yelling "Swiper no swiping" really loudly while staring at a can of Dora Alphaghetti.  After she was done, she started with Twinkle Twinkle, over and over.  Needless to say, I walked through Superstore with a smile on my face laughing at the fact that this was by far the worst shopping experience I have had with my children and it wasn't even really bad.  Jayna also wanted to help scan everything and that didn't go over well, but a crisis was averted.  This trip made me realize how great our kids are and how lucky we are.

Today we had a playdate with a friend and her two boys (who are the same ages as our kids).  The kids all played so nicely and we never once had to break up a fight during their 3 hour visit.  My friend and I were both amazed at how well our kids played together.  Once they left all three of my kids slept for two hours, which never happens.  Her kids also slept at the same time, so we will be doing this again!

While I was cutting potatoes for dinner, Jayna was playing with the toy cell phone that she found.  She informed me that she was going to her Uncle's house and I told her she wasn't.  She responded with, "I pretending Mommy" for the first time.  Her next conversation was with her daddy and wishing him a happy birthday and asking what he would like.  She asked him if he wanted shoes.  This is especially funny to us since she keeps telling us she wants shoes from Santa.  Santa is on the lookout for some awesome runners.

I looked at Jayna earlier today and still couldn't believe that Derrick and I created her.  She's such a cute, fun, loving child and I can't wait to see all three of our kids grow up.  Mara and Davin's personalities are really coming out.  We have also discovered that they definitely know when the other one is hurt or in distress.  I know there are going to be MANY bumps along the way, but I also know there will be MANY great times.

Also, I guess this entry will put me over the 2500 views mark, which is crazy to me.  I never thought I would have that many people take an interest in my blog.  Thank you very much!

Vacation!!!

I remember being in Vegas for the first time and talking to an older couple.  We had told them that our almost 11 month old daughter was at home with my parents.  They told us that it was important to take a trip every year without the children.  At that point I figured it sounded like a good idea and it would be doable, even if it was just a weekend in Grand Forks.  I do believe that many people don't put enough time and energy into their relationship after children are born.  Once we found out we were having twins, I thought we would never be able to go anywhere again.  First of all, I thought no one would ever want to watch all of our kids and secondly I never thought we'd have any money to go.  Well, we went to Vegas again in April and I came back feeling refreshed and rejuvenated as a parent.  Not long after we got back, we had friends offer to use their Air Miles to fly us all to Toronto this coming weekend and go to a Bill's game in Buffalo.  I know that technically, we should have said no, but how do you turn down an almost free flight?  Neither Derrick or I have ever been to an NFL game, so we are quite excited.

When the offer came up, Derrick thought we should arrange for someone to watch our kids.  I'm not usually one to take this for granted, but I knew that because it was a weekend and such a short time, we could arrange people easily enough within our family.  I posted something on Facebook about having a trip booked and now just needing someone to watch our kids and my friend answered that they would watch them.  She has almost 8 year old triplets and two of them just love kids and will be super helpful.  I talked with her and she said she was serious.  I figured, why not?  If someone's offering, that's great.  Jayna is super excited for Melanie to come stay with her.  Thanks again Melanie.  You have no idea how thankful we are!!!!  For the last few days, when we go out, Jayna asks if we are going on a plane.

Here's to a weekend away from the kids with great friends!  I can't wait to experience my first NFL game (and see Tom Brady in person!).

Derrick and I are by no means perfect, but we are well aware of our ups and downs and we work hard to make sure our marriage stays strong.  We have just had a bit of a rough go the last couple of weeks with his back not being great.  Although it wasn't easy, I knew it would pass and we'd move on.  Thank goodness that is happening!  We may not always get out without the kids, but we make time for each other at home.  Sometimes this is just watching a show together or being an old married couple and playing cards, while sharing a bottle of wine of course!

In other news, Davin had his first hair cut on Tuesday.  It was just a little trim to get the hair out of his eyes, but it was successful.  He was quiet, and barely moved.  Here's a before and after shot.  I've also included some pictures of the twins' first experience with lasagna.  Thank goodness for bath night!

The before shot

The after shot

Still in disbelief

There are many times when I look at my two little ones and think.....really two?  I still can't believe we have twins.  They are changing so much and learning new things every day.

Mara and Davin are crawling everywhere, pulling themselves up constantly and Davin really wants to walk, but he's just not quite there.  Yesterday he did stand by himself for a few seconds and went back to holding onto a bin, didn't even fall down.  Mara likes to climb.  She has managed to do a few stairs and she lifts her leg like she's going to climb the couch, but it's still too high for her, thank goodness.  They are both starting to take steps along the couch, or while pushing one of the chairs.

I just can't believe how quickly this happened.  They are definitely busy and keeping us on our toes.

Today as I write, it's a great morning.  I've been able to get some work done and the twins have been playing very nicely.  The most heart melting thing is watching them interact and play together.  When Davin sees his sister in the morning, he just lights up (it's mutual).  The same goes for them and Jayna.  She can't wait to run into their room in the morning and entertain them (or "make them happy" because they're usually crying at that point).

I love watching them play with a toy.  If you watch, it looks as though they've learned to take turns, which means one will steal it and play for a bit, while the other watches and eventually steals it back.  Pretty good system for only 9 months old!

I'm also loving seeing their personalities come out.  Davin is the sweet charmer and when he gets fussy, music will make him happy.  He is the quiet chatty one and he is very much his father in terms of personality.  If we are out and about, he sits and takes it all in and looks very serious.  Mara is just like her mother.  She is more outgoing, more likely to give you a smile and a lot louder.  She tends to be happier, but she angers very quickly.  She is also our trouble maker.  I'm sure Mara and I will butt heads regularly for years to come.

The last week and a half have been a bit frustrating for me since Derrick threw his back out last week.  I've been left to take on even more than usual.  He's getting better and I can't wait till we're back to normal.  I've also started running a few times a week in the mornings.  I hate getting up at 5:45, but I feel great after.  It's been about a month and I've noticed a difference already.  I've taken advantage of the kids sleeping better and creating a habit before I go back to work.  Once I'm back at work, it'll be much easier to fit my workouts in. I don't have much of an excuse when the gym is 5 steps outside my office.  For now, while it's still decent in the mornings, the peace and quiet are enjoyed!

I'm looking forward to a good weekend and I will definitely have pictures to post after the Corn Maze on Sunday.  I'm sure that will be a gong show and a blast all at once, which is pretty much how our life is nowadays.  Derrick and I often have the conversation about trying to figure out when exactly our house became a gong show.  Was it right when the twins were born?  In the end it doesn't matter, but it makes us laugh.

Burned Out

I don't quite know what to say, but I realized yesterday that I'm feeling extremely burned out.  Not about everything, just about parenting.

Yes, the kids have gotten easier, but right now, I feel like all I do is think about what comes next.  I have to make sure there is food in the house for three meals (and those meals have to be suitable for five people, two of which can eat most things, but not everything), plus snacks, I am also the one who has to make sure there are diapers, wipes, clean clothes and all that fun stuff.  And somehow, I'm the one that's always having to plan when I'm going to fit shopping for it all into my schedule.  It sounds like it would make sense since I'm home all day, but running around with two kids isn't exactly ideal all the time.

Friday, I got a call from Jayna's daycare.  They couldn't find a main course in her lunch.  We had packed yogurt, a banana, and a granola bar.  I know it wasn't a lunch that would help me get nominated for Mother of the Year, but come on, it's not that bad is it?  I'll be honest that that phone call made me feel like a terrible parent and I felt like I was extremely judged.  When I picked Jayna up, one of the daycare workers (the only one that irks Derrick and I) said that they called because Jayna always has a main course and she was looking everywhere for it.  That made me feel a little better, but not really.  I'm pretty sure everyone has had a day when they go to make their kids lunch and realize that they need to hit the store.  

I haven't even factored in all of the stuff that has to get done around the house, while there are two or three kids home.

I don't feel like going on a huge rant, because life isn't all that terrible, but I had to share my burned out feeling, as I'm sure most parents have felt this at one point or another.  In the back of my mind I know it's a phase and it will pass, but right now it sucks.

On a happy note, Davin and Mara don't stop moving all day, even when you change them.  Davin pulled himself up for the first time Saturday and hasn't stopped since.  Now I think it's just a matter of time before the two of them walk......oh my.

Work

Today is the first day back to work for my fellow teachers.  I've had some weird emotions throughout the last week.  Last week, I felt like I should have gone into work a couple of times.  I woke up this morning and felt as though I was late for work (the worst feeling).  I remember feeling the same way when I was off with Jayna, but now I find it's even more weird.  I feel extreme guilt because I know I'm not going to be off ever again, since we are not having any more children.

I poured my cup of coffee into a mug that says "teacher have more class" on purpose today.  I think it was my way of reminding me that I'm still a teacher and it's not that long before I return.  I definitely don't want to wish the last two months away, but I am really looking forward to life moving to a new kind of crazy.  I was complaining about wanting to back to work the other day and Derrick told me that if I thought life was crazy now, it's only going to get worse.  I know that and I worry about how everything's going to get done, although I know it will (I'm also hoping to be able to hire the cleaners back so it's one less thing to do).  The main reason I look forward to returning to work is so that I can feel normal again.  When I go to work, it's about me and I don't have to worry about my family's needs for a little while.  I really look forward to laughing every day with my colleagues.  My kids make me smile, but they don't make me laugh like my PE department does.  I also really miss the students and the excitement of the building!

Aside from my disappointment of not returning to work, we had a great long weekend.  We hung out with family and friends, went to the park twice, the zoo, and Jayna got to go bowling for the first time.  She loved it and as we were walking out the doors, she said, "I come back here again one day!"  We went with Derrick's family including some aunts and we played pass the babies while we took turns bowling.  Since Jayna liked it so much, we will take her all by herself one day.

Jayna and I were leaving the house on Saturday and it stunk outside.  My comment was "oh it stinks".  Jayna responded with, "yeah Mommy, bunnies poop outside".  So random and cute!

Mara and Davin have been a joy to watch over the last few days.  They tend to play in the same areas and Davin has really sped up in the crawling department.  They are pretty much done with formula, we only give them formula in the their bottles at bed time since we may as well use what we have left.  They don't even get bottles during the day, their milk goes in sippy cups.  These kids also eat pretty much anything, which is a little more convenient!  I'm also happy to say that they are still messy eaters, but the mess has decreased significantly.  They are also crazy in the bath together and are quite chatty throughout the day.  It's a lot of fun to see their connection and their big smiles when they see the other one.  The same goes for Jayna who will greet them in their cribs in the morning and they get crazy excited.  

I will continue to enjoy the next two months, all the while looking forward to returning to work and living our new kind of crazy.

Thank goodness for pictures

I just spent the last couple of hours (of course it takes longer than it should because I'm interrupted a ton) sorting through our last Costco run of pictures, dating them and putting them in the childrens' books.  I'm a little crazy about their photo albums.  When we had Jayna, it was pretty simple, I would print pictures and every picture with her would go in her album and if I had a picture that didn't have her in it, there was another general photo album for that.  While now with the twins, I have chosen to have an album for every child.  If Jayna and Davin are in a picture, then I print it twice and put it in both of their books, if all three are in it, then it's printed three times.  I think you get the point.

Throughout this process, I have noticed a few things.  One is that we still take a lot of pictures, but not as many as when we just had Jayna.  The twins are not lacking for photos, but it was so much easier to whip out the camera and photograph Jayna when I didn't have three kids to watch out for.  Also, we used to print pictures monthly after Jayna was born and now we wait until Costco has their prints on sale for cheap and we print 100-200 at a time.

The other things is that I'm so thankful that we take the pictures that we do.  I don't have a lot of pictures of me growing up, but our kids will have a lot of great memories to look back on.  Who are we kidding?  It's mostly for me.  I remember putting Jayna's pictures in her album when she was 2 months old.  When I would do this, I'd always look at the book from the beginning.  At this point I looked at the first pictures and realized that if we hadn't taken pictures, I would have already forgotten what she looked like when she was born.  I feel this way with the twin's newborn photo shoot with Robin.  Every time I look at them, I tell Derrick how I don't regret a penny we spent on them.  They are precious and we never would have been able to capture what Robin did.  We are also waiting on pictures we had done a few weeks ago and I will post some of those once we have them.  Here's the first picture we took of Mara and Davin and then a more recent one.

With the new school year beginning, it's been making me think about how much things have changed over the last 9 months.  9 months ago I was still freaking out about having twins and fearing the unknown.  Now, we have settled in and are enjoying watching all three of our turkeys grow.  With two kids crawling, it makes for interesting times and their personalities are showing through more and more.  Today, Mara and Davin have been playing together a lot and it's been very cute.  I'm pretty sure Mara's the leader and trouble maker and Davin will follow and be the sneaky one.  Everyday, the twins are getting closer and closer to pulling themselves up and the dynamics between Jayna and the twins is always changing, but for the most part, she's amazing with them.  There is no doubt she loves them a lot, but sometimes they get between her and her toys.  Watching one child discover the world at this age is amazing, but watching two do it at the same time is even more impressive, even if that includes one of them choking on a penny and a nickle already (thanks for the heart attacks Mara).  Oh yeah, when you only have one little one, you don't get to watch them wrestle.  Davin has got some awesome wrestling moves and we don't even watch WWE.  They should have napped longer today and I was annoyed, but now they are playing so nicely, I can't even be mad.

The school year starting also makes me think about my life returning to "normal".  My first day back to work is November 5th.  I will have been off for 13 months already and I can't wait to go back.  I know things are going to be hectic, but at least I will get a break from my children.  I can't wait to return to my job that I love and the people that I love working with.  I miss laughing really hard while at work every day.  This working mom is ready to return to work!