Things I've learned....

We just celebrated Mara and Davin's second birthday last week.  I've met a lot of new people lately and they ask how old my children are and they freak out when I tell them.  I must admit that I've kind of been doing the same lately.  I can't believe they are two now.  I cannot wrap my head around the fact that two years ago, we had just come home with two babies and we had a 21 month old daughter (who to this day is still the greatest big sister we could have ever asked for).

Over the last two years, I have met and become friends with a number of mother's of multiples.  One thing that is consistently said is that the first year is a blur to everyone.  Although I agree that it was crazy and I'm still not quite sure how we survived it, I think the second year was an even bigger blur.  I attribute this to the fact that I've been back at work for over a year now and that makes things even that much crazier.  

As their second birthday approached, I've been thinking about how our lives have been forever altered as well as what I've learned over the last two years.  The following is in no particular order.

A)  LIfe doesn't go as planned.  I knew this was true with one child, but from July 14th, 2011 (the day we discovered we were expecting twins) this has never been more true.  

B)  I had a friend who always told me that going from one to two was like going from one to three.  On many days, I feel like we went from one child to 8.  The amount of fights, laundry, snot, dishes and food all make me feel like this.  I must also say that there are many times when I feel that way in regards to the amount of love I receive.  

C)  Good or bad, our marriage will never be the same.  This is one that I'm struggling with lately.  I know it will pass and that it's a rough point in the year for our family.  I'm not home nearly as much from middle of November to the beginning of March because of basketball.  It doesn't matter how many children you have, your marriage will forever be impacted by them.  There will always be ups and downs in relationships and I think the stress of child rearing and busy lives in general make the ups and downs even more exaggerated.  

D) Things can go from good to bad and bad to worse in less time than it takes to say hello.  It is also mind boggling how quickly some episodes can de-escalate and go to super sweet moments.  It's almost like children have multiple personalities.  I've experience this a few times this morning already.  It's just Mara and Davin here with me (while Jayna's at dance with Dad) and they keep fighting, then playing nicely, then when you think things are good, they start screaming and crying and hitting again.  

E)  There are many times when I feel financially irresponsible because we didn't get to choose to have a third child.  I feel as though there are probably many families of multiples who feel this, but probably don't talk about it for fear of being judged.  I try not to think about this very often, but sometimes the thoughts creep in.  I know we are super lucky to have three happy and healthy children and I remind myself that we have everything we need and more.  The desire for a bigger house is a want, not a need.  Many people grow up with bigger families in smaller homes than we have and they are perfectly fine.   

F)  People will always say things that they think are nice, but are really annoying to parents of multiples.  "Oh I always wanted twins!"  I always look at people like they are nuts (and I try not to cry at the thought of how trying and tiring it is).  I know parents of multiples wouldn't trade their children for the world (ok, sometimes we all dream about it, but would never do it), but I have yet to meet someone who would wish multiples on someone else.  

G)  There is something special about multiples.  Mara and Davin are two and have rarely been apart, and still love each other.  My brother pointed this out yesterday after watching them for the day (along with their brand new baby, thank you!!!!).  He said D came down first from nap and then M.  When she came down and saw D, they both just lit up and got excited.  Even on the worst days ever, those moments are priceless.  

H)  You need to forget about the little things sometimes and revel in the moment that will pass by so quickly.  For example, it took me so much longer to write this post because I stopped to enjoy the many cuddles M and D were offering (between the fights with each other).  I know the day is near when these cuddles will no longer happen and even though my instinct is to say get off me, I have to do something, I try to let it go.  I also thought of this yesterday morning as I was rushing out the door and J asked for a big hug.  My instinct was to say I don't have time, but that's ridiculous.  I've read that if you don't listen to the little things now, they won't tell you the big things later.  I totally believe that as true and I have to remind myself of it all the time.  

I)  We are so lucky to have such great friends and family.  I don't know how people do it with very little or no family around.  I guess their answer is the same one I give to people who say the same thing to me about our situation.....You just do.  I always tell them we have two choices, do it, or CFS will take our children.  

I feel like I could go on and on, but these are the main things.  What things have becoming a parent taught you?

Ever Changing

Just when we think things are settling in, things change again.  The kids are growing and in many ways things are becoming easier.  At the same time, they are becoming crazier.

Mara and Davin are talking a lot more (Davin is still saying a lot more than Mara).  This seems like a great thing, but there are also a lot of frustrations that come along with it.  The times when they are frustrated by not being able to share what they think they should be able to share are a challenge.  Jayna is very helpful, but at the same time, too much of a mother and sometimes tries to do too much.

We did the room swap in June and the girls have been sharing a room since then.  Bedtime recently became a disaster when Mara decided it would be super to sleep with her sister.  Jayna was not a fan of this and would throw a fit about it every night.  After finally leaving her to sort it out, I believe they are regularly sleeping in the same bed, yet Jayna won't let us put them to bed in the same bed.  I think it's sweet that they sleep together and that we can hear them giggling together before falling asleep.

Mara is also a lot like Jayna was at that age, very motherly and sweet, with a touch of spunk.  Davin is a boy through and through.  He is obsessed with cars and trucks (but only says the word car, which is really annoying).

I've seen a lot of me in my daughters lately and I think it spells disaster for the future.  One of me is difficult to live with.....imagine three (and I don't have much of a desire to live with two of myself).  There are also many moments when I say to myself, "this is my karma".  These are the moments when one, or both, of the girls is being loud, bossy, or a brat.  There are many times when I cringe that that would have been me as a chid (rather embarrassing).

I have included a couple of pictures from a photo shoot we had done a few weeks ago.  Based on how they act and look, I'd venture to say that my babies are no longer babies :(

The Park

We have spent a ton of time at various parks and playgrounds this summer and I must say I have never felt so judged.  I am not sure if this is reality or just my mind working over time and being hard on myself, like most moms are.  

Our time at the park goes something like this: I am always outnumbered, sometimes 2:1 and other times 3:1.  Of course, my children don't always stay in the exact same area of the park, so I try to circulate and always have an eye on all of them as much as I can but I also don't have eyes on the back of my head, so that's not always possible.  I do think of basketball defence quite regularly while at the park....I position myself so that I can see the ball and my check (I mean Mara and Davin).  This means that I may not always be right beside them.  I also check regularly on Jayna, but I'm not as worried about her and I know that she won't take off on me.  

Here's where the judgement comes in.  There is usually at least one mom at the park that is enjoying a 1:1 ratio (please note that I am not trying to bash parents who have one child, I am often very jealous of you).  I find that those moms spend a lot of time watching me and my children.  Of course my mind seems to think they are judging me because I can't see all three of my children at once and one of the little ones is probably climbing something that looks too big for them, but they've climbed it ten times before.  I know some mothers are judging, based on their scowls and rare comments.  I must admit that I am always jealous of these mothers.  I remember the days when I could go to the park with Jayna and actually visit with a friend and not have to be "on watch" all the time.  And when she was really little, I could follow her everywhere on the structure, which was never an option with the twins.  

A rare moment when they are all in the same area!

There have been a couple of quiet comments and some nasty looks when they watch Davin climb something (trust me I was amazed and what he can climb too, so if you don't know him and just look at his age, I understand) or watch him go down the slide at the Nature Playground by himself.  Maybe I'm a little too laid back sometimes, but I do believe that children need to explore and learn their limits, while being in a safe environment.  Children will never learn to do new things if they don't have the chance to try.  I have watched both the little ones try to climb a ladder and they realize pretty quickly that they can't do it, which saves me telling them no.  

I don't know why my mind automatically races to the judgement, when they may actually be admiring us.  We are very fortunate to have three healthy little ones and they are pretty well behaved, for the most part.  I have also been very impressed with how Mara and Davin have done at the park this summer.  In the spring, Derrick and I were talking about how long of a summer it would be for me because I wouldn't be able to go to the park by myself with them.  We would regularly go to the same playground in the spring and we realized that they were very comfortable there and never tried running away.  I remember being at the playground and saying to Derrick that I thought I could do it by myself and he agreed.  I'm so thankful that I am able to take them by myself, otherwise it would have been a looooong summer.  

Another part of me is very happy that we have a boy/girl twins.  I think there have been many times this summer where people don't realize they are twins because they think I have a daycare.  I'm sure this has saved me many annoying and repetitive comments.

I think us as mothers tend to be pretty quick to judge others (myself included), when we should in fact be each other's biggest supporters.  If you see another parent at the park and they are outnumbered, maybe lend a hand if you happen to be close by while their child goes flying down the slide.  

Summer

I know it's been a long while since I've written anything.  I've been meaning too, but I just haven't sat down to do it.  My mom asked me the other day if I was doing my blog anymore.  I said that I hadn't been, but I intended to get back to it, so here I am.

Jayna is pretty much three and a half now and the twins are almost 20 months old.  When people ask me how old they are, I am made to realize that they will be two in a couple of months.  I cannot believe that.

It was two years ago on July 14th that we found out the life altering news that we were expecting twins.  At that point, we were overwhelmed with the possible complications with twins, let along surviving the first two years!  I am very happy to say that we have almost made it.

It's been an interesting summer.  Jayna was in daycare full time (but I would keep her home regularly when we would do fun things) and the twins only went to daycare once a week.  Needless to say, I was reminded of the fact that I'm not cut out to be a stay at home mother.  Having said that, we have had a lot of fun this summer and spent a lot of time at playgrounds and at the zoo.  Many people have complained about the lack of heat, but it's been great for us.  I can't get to the beach or pool by myself with the three little ones, but I can take them to the park by myself so we've been happy.

We also took our first trip as a family of 5.  It was only a couple of days in Grand Forks, but we made it through with only one melt down in Gordman's with the two girls (really, that was the first tantrum in a store ever for our kids).  We did some shopping and the kids loved the water park so it was a definite success.  I wanted to camp this year, but Derrick was very reluctant.  His reason was that there would be some crazy moments.  My response was that there are crazy moments at home and if we were camping, at least we'd be making memories, despite the crazy moments.  I didn't push the issue this year, but next year we are definitely camping.  We did stay in a tent at a family function in Stonewall last weekend and it was a success, so that was promising and we are off to a friend's cabin for the long weekend, so that should be fun.

Jayna is becoming more and more independent every day.  She's an amazing big sister and usually a great helper around the house.  Obviously she has her moments, but for the most part, she's a really good kid who's always smiling and a lot of fun to be around.  She's also at the stage where she comes out with a lot of funny things.

Mara and Davin are busy, busy, busy.  I often find myself saying that they are crazy.  They are really well behaved (most of the time.....just like any child) and have pretty good manners, but they are at the stage where they scream because they can't communicate everything they would like to.  Davin is talking quite a bit and Mara is catching up.  Mara has recently discovered how to take dresses and shirts off, so that poses an interesting problem.  It's a lot of fun to watch them play together and on their own at this stage.  As I write this, Mara is being her little mom self, playing with a couple of dolls and stuffed animals and Davin is building with Mega Blocks, which he has recently discovered.  They do fight regularly throughout the day, but keep in mind that they are almost always together.  They also do really cute things like hold hands in the van and hug and kiss each other.  Those moments are unbelievably precious and make all of the yelling and screaming forgotten.

Here are some recent pictures.

A weekend of being a single mom

I actually wrote this on April 5th and was going to make changes, but didn't.  Here is the post.....a few months late.

Yet again, it's been a long time since I've posted anything.  Life has been crazy with coaching and working.  Basketball has been done for a few weeks now, so it's been nice to have more time with the family.  The thing I'm missing right now is spring!!!!!!

I keep saying that everyone in our house will be a lot happier once we can actually go outside.  I long for the days when we can feed the kids and then go for a walk or take a picnic to the park and have them play.  It's easy, yet good parenting and makes us all a whole lot more pleasant. 

Derrick is away this weekend in Calgary for his best friend's stag.  I'm definitely jealous of him being able to get away for the weekend and live the bachelor life (3 times in six months actually, must be nice!).  It's a good thing he has a great wife.

I'm planning on taking the kids to the zoo tomorrow.  I'm reallly hoping that the weather cooperates, otherwise I feel as though my house will be the zoo.  We will visit my parents tomorrow and take a friend up on their offer for dinner as well.  Sunday we will hang out with Derrick's family and then head home to get ready for the week.

The little ones will definitely be excited to see Derrick on Monday morning.  I will be excited to see him Sunday evening. 

On the topic of the kids, we have entered a new stage of crazy.  All three are running all over the house, stealing toys (sometimes sharing, which is cute), hitting each other, as well as wrestling (usually Davin and Jayna actually).  The girls have had some fun playing in the puddles.  Davin will not walk in shoes or boots.  We have tried shoes on in the house and he loses his mind.  This usually results in Mara wanting to wear them and then she runs around the house looking so proud.  On Easter weekend, Davin stayed planted in one spot for half an hour as Mara and Jayna played up and down the street.  We didn't realize until this moment that he was that stubborn. 

I'm hoping that I can now be more consistent in updating the blog as I do enjoy it!! 

Routine

People keep asking me how it is being back at work and how we do it?

It definitely is nuts with the three little ones and being in the middle of coaching basketball.  This means that I'm gone by 6:20am Monday and Wednesday mornings and Derrick has to do the morning thing on his own with the three kids.  Tuesdays I usually get home in time to put Jayna to bed, but I miss Mara and Davin.  Thursdays I usually don't see any of them except for a short bit in the morning.

On a typical evening, we get home at 5:00, make dinner and feed the turkeys quickly.  If they are happy, they get a short amount of time to play before we stick them in their seats for dinner.  Once they are done, they get a little bit of play time and then it's off to get ready for bed.  On bath nights, they usually go right from their booster seats to the tub for  quick bath and then get ready for bed.  We have  a system, I bathe the kids and Derrick dries and dresses them for bed.

Now comes the interesting part.  I haven't been as diligent in regards to reading stories to Mara and Davin before bed as we were with Jayna.  The main reason for this is that they don't sit during this time.  I try to make them sit on my lap, but they just end up crawling off or continuously trying to climb me as high as they can.  They also move about the room and try to empty as many drawers as they can and sometimes wresting or hitting each other is also involved during this supposedly calming time before they head to sleep.  I usually (like tonight) enjoy this time, but sometimes I just don't feel like being a jungle gym, so I don't do it.

So now it's 6:30 and it's just us and Jayna and we feel like we can now take a breath.  Since the twins were born, we've tried very hard to make sure this time is about Jayna and we get some quality time with her.  Right now she's really into colouring so we'll usually colour with her.  Sometimes we cuddle and watch a movie.  My favourite part of the night is crawling into bed with Jayna and reading her stories before she hits the sack.

It's now 7:30 and this is the time I struggle with the most.  My house is a disaster and I feel like doing absolutely nothing.  I (almost) always do the dishes and make sure I have a clean kitchen.  Most evenings I try to do one little thing to make the house look a little better than it does, but sometimes I don't.  As I've stated before, I've come to terms with the fact that my house will never be immaculate.

Most evenings, I don't get to sit and "do nothing" until 9:00-9:30, and I wonder why I don't go to sleep before 11:00.  Once again, I know that this is short lived and there will come a day when I will long for this craziness.  In the meantime, we just laugh.

So this is how we "do it" from day to day.  It's not pretty, but everyone survives to see another day!

It's been a while

I knew I hadn't written anything for a while, but I didn't realize it had been over a month.  I haven't written anything for two reasons....one, I haven't had a whole lot of time and two, I didn't really think I had anything too interesting to say.

I've been back at work since November 5th and people keep asking me how it is.  My answer is always...Crazy!  My job is definitely not one where I sit at a desk all day.  As a Phys Ed teacher, you're constantly on the go, kinda like my home life.  I'm also right in the thick of basketball season (which is actually going really well....3-0 so far and ranked 5th in the province!), so that means that two mornings a week, I'm gone just after 6 am to be at school for a 7 am practice and Derrick is on his own with the kids in the morning.  Two other days a week, I'm not home till later in the evening because of a practice or a game, which means Derrick is also on his own.  I'm so thankful to have a super supportive husband, because I couldn't do it without his support.

I remember a conversation I had with a colleague in my first year at my current school.  Derrick and I had just gotten married that summer and were in the midst of deciding whether or not to have children.  My colleague was also a basketball coach and I mentioned that one of the reasons I was considering not having children is because I wanted to coach and children would get in the way.  He proceeded to tell me that it didn't make that big of a difference and that you just work around things.  I looked at him and reminded him that he is the father and I'm the mother.  I had a pregnancy to go through as well as maternity leave and also the expectation that the mother is around most of the time.  His response, "oh, I never thought of that."

Obviously, we decided to have children and I'm glad to say that I'm still able to coach.  I have only missed one full season, last year because the twins were born right at the beginning.

Three weeks ago, Davin had a hypospadias repair surgery.  Here's a link to explain what that is...beware, there is a picture of a penis.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypospadias  I'm happy to report that he is doing well and was awesome after surgery.

Also, Christmas came and went.  What a whirlwind three days that was.  It was super fun because Jayna finally "got it".  I can't even imagine what next year is going to be like when the twins kind of understand what's going on and Jayna's even more excited.  This Christmas made me realize how much parents lie to their children.  I felt awful on many occasions, such as when I had to explain Ace (Elf on the Shelf) going away.  We had told Jayna that she would get to say goodbye to him and on Christmas Eve we got sidetracked and forgot.  Christmas morning, in the van, Jayna started talking about wanting to say goodbye to Ace.  We told her that if she said goodbye right now, he would hear her from the North Pole.  Derrick and I looked at each other with that look of feeling guilty for having to lie.  Oh well, I guess that's just part of the magic of Christmas.

Davin is a walking machine and is almost running.  He rarely crawls anymore.  Mara is walking a lot more as well and she is a master at climbing up on the couch.  Now we're just worried about her climbing other things.

I hope everyone had a great holiday and is settling into the new year.  I will hopefully be posting more often and making the time to include more pictures and videos.  I do have a few ideas for some posts.  Oh, and I can't believe that I'm going to have to change my description of my blog soon to state that I have a 3 year old :(